Uncertainty

The thing about eating intuitively is that there is some uncertainty… not knowing exactly what I've eaten today, or knowing the exchanges I've covered, is pretty scary. But I'm doing it. I'm eating, I'm not counting, I am listening to my body and deciding what to eat based on what tastes good and what I'm craving. I am starting to trust my body. I trust that even if I eat a little more than I need, or even if I eat a little less, my body will even everything out .Eating isn't perfect, it isn't a science, it's natural and changing. I can trust my body knows what to do.

I guess I have a fear… what if my intuitive eating means I'm eating too much? Will my dietician tell me to eat less? She told me she wanted me to have fuller, less "diet like" meals. I was eating very bare bones meals of sandwiches with no spreads or toppings and fruits and vegetables. I've been trying to change that and eat real, substantial meals. For lunch I had a sandwich, but I added avocado. That is more normal than eating just a plain sandwich. It is OK to enjoy your food. I am learning how to enjoy food. Even when I'm not really hungry I know I need to eat, and if I'm going to eat I might as well eat food that tastes good! I never used to want to admit that I liked the taste of food.. but I'll admit is now! I love chocolate and ice cream and sweets. I like some fried foods. I like some candy. And that is ok.

Food today so far:
Breakfast: Blueberry, mango, raspberry bran muffin, Greek yogurt with blueberries, raspberries, and pumpkin seeds, coffee with lots of soy milk

Snack: Strawberries and cream oatmeal with raspberries

Lunch: Avocado and veggie sandwich, a pear, and a handful of carrots

Snack: Homemade chai tea latte and an apple

I'm not counting so I don't know how many calories I've had. I'm hoping it's enough. Tonight at dinner my housemate is making chicken so I will have a vegetarian Chik patty, and I will eat rice or pasta or whatever he makes and veggies. I have been avoiding starches at dinner, but I know I need a complete, balanced meal. So I will eat the pasta or rice and be ok with it. I don't know why I have this fear of carbs, but it needs to stop and the only way to overcome the fear is to face it head on. So that's what I'm doing.

I am eating intuitively, I am doing it!! After 5 years of meal planning I am doing this. I feel strong and confident in my ability to just eat, even though my hunger signals are still out of whack. But I am conquering!!

If I can do it so can you. Go recovery!!!!

Listening to hunger

Today I've been hungry and being hungry scares me. Why? Because it makes me feel out of control. I am not USED to feeling hungry. I am used to feeling full constantly and therefore being able to control how much I eat. Well now I have hunger cues. And it's really strange. REALLY strange.

For the past several days I have done something different - I have NOT counted any calories and I have NOT measured any of my food. I am simply guesstimating. Eating normally. Pouring cereal into a bowl and pouring milk over it. Serving rice with the serving spoon. And it's really weird. I pour how much I think I need, depending on how hungry I am, and I eat until I feel full. At lunch today I had black bean taquitos and a salad. My salad was spinach, pepper, carrots, tomato, and strawberries, and when I got to the spinach I just didn't want any more. So I stopped. And the vinegar from the dressing was stinging my throat so I had a tea cookies. So foreign!! But really exciting.

I am listening to my hunger cues. If I'm hungry I eat a little more. If I'm not hungry I eat a little less. My body knows how to handle it and what to do. If I eat a little more one day and a little less another day my body will balance everything out. No problem. Next step… no meal plan!! Free eating, what I want when I want it. I know I will get there. In fact the thought of it makes me really excited!! I'm on my way to being healthy and that is GOOD.