Some day I'll eat pizza

Tonight we had a New Years pizza party.... And I couldn't bring myself to eat any pizza. After a slip up earlier in the afternoon I just didn't feel I could eat pizza and make healthy choices. Now I am starving. Planning to have a big night snack to make up for lost nutrition. 

Goal for the new year: EAT PIZZA!! Every pizza party we've had I just not been able to bring myself to enjoy the food. I like pizza. I think it tastes good. But I guess it scares me. This year I WILL eat pizza. Pizza is really just bread and sauce and cheese... I eat all those things so what's the issue? I will make it a goal.

I don't know if I'm going to stay up til 12. It just doesn't feel very festive. I will go to sleep and tomorrow will be a new year. 2015... Wow. This year has been slow and short all at once. It seems like my birthday was yesterday... My suicide attempt feels like years and years ago. It's been a tumultuous year. But I'm alive and kicking. So bring on 2015 a year of health and a year of pizza.

Cheers!!!

Lunch

Today I decided to let myself have one of my favorite lunches… peanut butter banana grilled sandwich! So yummy and melty!! I haven't allowed myself much peanut butter… but today I went for it and my lunch is SO yummy!!! I could eat a whole other sandwich haha.

It's OK to let yourself eat food that is yummy. Don't be afraid! Eat that peanut butter! Eat the ice cream and chocolate and cake in moderation, it tastes so good!! You can allow yourself to taste delicious food :) Don't be afraid!

Tonight is a pizza party… not my favorite. I will try my best to join everyone and have a slice or two!
Again, happy New year!!!

Good morning!

It's a gloomy wet morning here. Good thing I have rain boots now! My uggs were not a good choice to wear in the rain a few weeks ago. This morning I have a house meeting, and then group, and then therapy… and then tonight we are bringing in the new year!! 2015 I can't believe it! This year has been so long and so short at the same time. where does time go???

Hope you all have a happy and safe new year :)

Trust

I need to have trust in my body. I really do. My body says it's hungry when it's hungry and I need to listen!! I will learn some day. After dinner I was still hungry… probably because I didn't have any carbs. I had a few pieces of chocolate because I was craving it. And that's ok! Dark chocolate is healthy right?

I calculated my calories for the day (I know I know I shouldn't have) but I was curious. And the number was MUCH lower than I expected. Proof, again, that I need to listen to my hunger cues. I can trust my body. I CAN TRUST MY BODY. If only it wasn't so hard.

Tonight I will have a yummy snack and enjoy what I'm eating and know that my body needs the nourishment and that it tastes good. Tomorrow I will eat what I need. I can do this.

Selfies

I have taken a few selfies lately. I was curious about how my body looks in photos, and the restul has been pretty shocking! It's clear that I am not seeing my body properly in the mirror… because the pictures show a person who looks different than what I see. It is curious to me, how distorted my brain can make things. Crazy brain. 

I am not going to post any of the selfies on here.. unless you are desperate to see them… becasue I don't feel that comfortable showing off my body to the world. I know other people show many pictures of themselves on blogs. I just don't feel that comfortable with it. So I won't be posting any of the pictures. But I did take them. 

Going to have dinner in a few minutes, and then maybe watch a movie tonight. I've started watching House again, so I'll probably watch that. It's a good show.. entertaining. 

It's rainy and gloomy here… hope you are all staying dry/warm!

Being creative!

We go grocery shopping tomorrow but until then we are out of lots of foods! No fruit, no soy milk, no oatmeal.... What's a girl to do??? I'll have to get creative. We do have raisins and bananas so I can eat those for snack. I may have a packet of oatmeal in the cupboard... Or maybe it's cream of wheat (yuck) and there are eggs in the house so that's good. I won't have any soy milk for my coffee tomorrow morning :( but that's ok I'll make do. I just have to get creative!!!

I think dinner tonight is salmon, rice, and veggies... Boring weekly meal. I will work to make food tolerable until we shop tomorrow!!!

The New Year!

I can't believe how close to the new year we are! Just another day of 2014 and then it will be a new year! 2015 I can't believe it. I think 2015 is going to be a good year. A whole year to keep being positive and learning and growing. I'm excited for the new year. This year has been hard. But things are looking up.

Goals for the new year:

- Complete another semester of school with good grades and enroll in fall semester

- Work as a preschool teacher this summer

- Start driving again!

- continue on my path to recovery

- Eating intuitively 

- Have no eating disorder behaviors

- Possibly find my own apartment

- Continue repairing things with my family

- Make friends

- Go to my best friend's wedding in June

- Spend time with my family 

What are your goals for the new year??