Monday, June 30, 2014

Obsession?

have an obsession, addiction even... And it's gum and mints. I chew so many packs each week it's crazy and an expensive habit. I just went to the store and bought 8 dollars worth of gum and tic tacs!!!! I'm ashamed. There are worse things I could buy by far!! But I'm not proud of all the gum I'm going through.

I want to cut back... It's just that chewing gum eases my anxiety and helps my food to stay in my stomach (otherwise I "huccup" what I've eaten, sorry for ugly images). 

The problem is that gum chewing is part of my eating disorder. I used to chew and chew gum and not eat; and mint kind of suppresses appetite. I'm eating now! But still I should cut back.

So I want to make a plan. Here are some things I've thought of...
1. Buy only a couple packs and that's my ration for the whole week
2. Chew only one piece at a time. I have the habit of shoving two pieces in my mouth, sometimes even three. And then adding more pieces while I chew. So one piece at a time.
3. Chew eat piece for longer instead f throwing it away as soon as the flavor dies down.... I can chew for a lot longer than I have been.
4. With mints - sucking on them instead of chomping! I go through mints quite fast as well.

Do you have any suggestions??






My doctor is proud!

Saw my general doctor today- I don't know if I've said it but she's amazing. So kind and understanding and not judgmental or critical like some doctors. I like seeing her.
And guess what.... She's proud of me!!! My blood pressure is good, my lab work is good, everything is good! Shows how resilient my body is.

The damage can be undone. You don't have to feel sick and be sick forever. You can choose to eat, drink, and nourish your body and it will thank you by starting to work properly again!!


New day

It's a new day.
New chance to make the right decisions. New start. New beginning.
So I'm starting off with a good healthy breakfast - bagel with peanut butter and banana. Then I have a doctor appointment.

It's been a rocky weekend but I'm determined to make today a good one. I get weighed today (no fun) but I'm hoping all is well and I can just move on with my week.
Happy Monday!







Sunday, June 29, 2014

Kind of a hard day

I don't know how to deal with feeling hungry... and as a result it's been a hard day. Lots of behaviors, which I hadn't had much of in a while. I'm disappointed for sure. Wanted to make today stronger, more solid.

Tomorrow is a new day.

I went to a yogurt shop and bought myself a frozen yogurt for later tonight's snack. Coconut and banana yogurt, and I will put fresh banana and almonds on it. YUM
And then I will keep it down because my body knows what to do with the food... My body knows what to do, my body knows what to do, my body knows what to do. Arg. I wish this wasn't so hard. Having behaviors feels so natural, so automatic. I need to FIGHT to do the healthy thing.

It IS possible to be healthy. I can do this.

You can do this.

Keep fighting.

HUNGRY

Today I am hungry.
And it's freaking me out! I am not used to being hungry, I'm used to being full... so what does this mean? Am I feeling anxious or lonely and craving food, or is my body actually hungry? I think it might be that my body is actually hungry. My metabolism is in overdrive.
I haven't kept everything down today :( That may be part of the reason why I feel so hungry. I need to get back on track, and I will with dinner. Maybe an ensure would be helpful? I am determined not to fall into a trap of purging. And even binging.... I could eat an entire half gallon of ice cream right now.
What to do what to do. I had some extra carrots but purged those... that's how afraid I am of eating anything off my meal plan. I need to be more flexible, I know...

Sushi for dinner tonight. I will eat, not give into the guilt. I can do this.
Getting back on track...

Flourless Peanut Butter Mug Cake!


FLOURLESS PEANUT BUTTER MUG CAKE


INGREDIENTS:

2 tbsp peanut butter (store bought)
1/8 tsp baking powder
1 tbsp white granulated sugar
1 large egg

DIRECTIONS:

Whisk all ingredients into an oversized, microwave-safe mug until batter is smooth. Microwave for about 1 minute. Let cake cool a few minutes before eating.



Mini Fruit Pizzas!




Mini Fruit Pizzas with Cream Cheese Frosting
Ingredients
  • Cookies:
  • 2 3/4 cup all-purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1 cup unsalted butter, softened
  • 1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • Frosting:
  • 2 (8-oz.) packages cream cheese, softened
  • 1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
  • 2 to 4 cups confectioner’s sugar
  • 1 to 2 teaspoon vanilla extract (to taste)
  • Toppings:
  • Diced fresh fruit of any kind. The more colorful the better! If you can, buy organic produce. Especially on the peaches and strawberries, as they tend to contain the highest pesticide residue.
Instructions

Cookies:
1) Preheat oven to 375 degrees. In a small bowl combine flour, baking soda and baking powder.
2) In a large bowl cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy (about 2 minutes). Beat in egg and vanilla. Gradually add the dry ingredients and mix until thoroughly combined.
3) Roll rounded walnut sized amounts of dough into balls and place on ungreased cookie sheet.
4) Bake 8 to 10 minutes or until edges are set and lightly golden. Let stand on cookie sheet 2 minutes before moving to wire racks to cool completely.
Frosting:
1) In a medium bowl, cream together cream cheese and butter until smooth and creamy. (I warmed mine a bit to make it smoother.) Add vanilla.
2) Gradually add the confectioner’s sugar until frosting reaches desired consistency. Store in refrigerator until ready to use.
If you are making this for a party, I'd recommend making an example and setting it on display so people know what to do!



HOW TASTY!!

Up early

I'm awake... been awake since 6:00. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being up early! But in the house where I live, it kind of sucks. Nobody is awake, and we don't have breakfast until 9:15!! So I have to wait three hours to have breakfast.

When I move out of the residential house I am in now and into regular housing, I will be able to get ready and have breakfast when I want to. I am also hoping, that once I am at my healthy weight, I will be able to go for runs in the morning! There is a nice lake about a mile away, and I would love to be able to get up, put on my running clothes and shoes, and go for a run. Definitely something to look forward to.

Today we are going on an outing to the La Jolla open air market, which is really lovely. Lots of fresh fruits and veggies to sample, good coffee, people selling clothes and art, and all kinds of things. I'm excited. I think I'll wear a cute summery dress, put on some makeup. I'm doing everything I can to deal with the weight gain, and it certainly doesn't hurt to try and make myself feel pretty, just a little bit.

Breakfast this morning will be Greek yogurt with fruit and almonds, a coffee latte, and a bran muffin. All healthy, but this breakfast is very filling for me. I will make it through.

What are you doing today?

Saturday, June 28, 2014

recovery
















The pros and cons of anxiety medication

I was feeling very anxious on the verge of a panic attack. My heart was pounding out of my chest, I was nauseas, and couldn't focus on anything or sit still. So I decided to take my anti-anxiety PRN, Klonopin.

I feel so much better. I feel calm and relaxed. My heart is not pounding anymore. I feel pretty happy.

But I don't like taking meds unless I have to. I want to find ways to calm myself down without medication. It helps me for sure, but there must be other ways to ground and get to a calmer, more stable place.

I picked up my guitar and sang and that helped to calm me down, too. I love to sing, strum the guitar, feel the music even if it's just for myself. Writing helps. Coloring is very calming.
I'm not ashamed that I took the medication. I just hope in the future I won't have panic attacks and I won't need a mood altering medicine to feel ok.

Just thoughts.

Meals today

Breakfast: Cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese, turkey bacon, and blueberries, and a soy latte


 Snack: Raisin bran and string cheese

 Lunch: red curry with tofu. DELICIOUS


 Snack: Banana muffin, apple, and string cheese


Dinner: BBQ chicken, corn on the cob, peas

 Snack: the usual :) PB banana, honey sandwich and a tea latte


Wholesome, healthy food. And tasty! I'd call that a success :)

What did YOU eat today?

The jitters... But overall good day!


It's been a nice day... Lots of good things. I'm feeling pretty jittery and overhwhelmed. Maybe so many good things at once is overwhelming? Haha

Woke up early, took a shower and put on some makeup. Felt good! Had a light breakfast (but followed my meal plan) and headed out to petco. There are four absolutely adorable kittens- rue, Russ, ruggles, and Rooney. They are so playful and sweet and purr when you pick them up. There is no better sound than a kitty purring in my opinion. Beautiful little purr balls. I'm in love! The older kitties are so sweet as well- batman, sully, and bae. Being with the kitties makes me so happy. I wish I could take them all home!!

The my mom picked me up to have a lunch date! And.... It went amazingly well!!! We ate at Taste Of Thai and shared spring rolls with peanut sauce and a red curry and it was absolutely delicious!! I could have drank the curry with a straw it was so yummy! I ate just enough and felt good. It's nice to be able to go to a restaurant, order what sounds good, and eat until I'm satisfied. Baby steps!!!! Then we walked in some shops, I got a black skirt, and got some coffee (my third cup of the day, not the best idea!).

My mom dropped me off and I painted my nails, and then had my snack. I decided to have another banana muffin because they are moist and sweet and delicious and fit into my meal plan.

Then we went to Starbucks (again) and I got a soy misto (decaf this time) which was really tasty. I think all this adventurous food is making me anxious... I haven't had a "fun " day of eating in forever!!! I guess it's just foreign territory... Scary but also really exciting and huge progress! I think I'm proud of myself. I am breaking every rule, going against all the negativity in my head. It's hard but I'm choosing the healthy route and enjoying the process! Wow!!

Getting ready for dinner now..: I'm so full but determined to finish the day strong!

Never give up!!


Friday, June 27, 2014

Foreign territory

Today was a family event at Hanbleceya (the treatment center I'm at). All the clients were allowed to see family members and spend the day together.
It was really nice - I got along so well with both of my parents. I feel like they love me. I feel like we can talk, like we can just get along and be ok. That all the horrible stuff in the past is finally over.
But I'm afraid.
Things are going so well - I am TERRIFIED that everything is going to fall apart, unravel. Things are going too well... it can't last. It just can't. Can it?
I've been wide awake until 1 in the morning the past several nights, just thinking. When are things going to come crashing down? I am in foreign territory. I am eating. I am gaining weight. I am happy. I am getting along with my parents... so weird. It all feels so wrong, so unnatural, I'm afraid that it's going to end and I am going to fall apart worse than ever before.

One moment at a time, I will take things. One day of success is a day of success. Nothing can undo the positive things that are happening right now. Good things are happening and that's ok. It's just scary. Because things are going so well, if something bad were to happen now I would be devastated. I don't know how I'd pick myself back up.

But for now I am going to try to be grateful and soak up the amazing feelings of being loved and actually belonging somewhere. I have a family. For now, I belong. Crazy.

If this is a dream, don't wake me up.

Weigh in

I started to panic last night about my weigh in this morning. "What's my weight?" "Will it be up?" "Will it be down?" "I'm huge" "I'm embarrassed"
So many thoughts, you get the picture.
Part of me feels that gaining weight makes me ugly. That my dietician will see into my soul, see my ugliness...
But it went ok. My weight is exactly the same as it was on Monday. I'm not ugly I'm healthy. Getting healthier with every pound. I am not my weight. I am a person.
My dietician even added to my meal plan a little because my metabolism is so healthy and speedy :) more food... Haha.

Ready to see kittens and proceed with my day! Never give up!!!

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Banana muffins!!

I'm making banana muffins! They are in the oven and smell great :) They are for a bake sale tomorrow so hopefully they turn out well.

Here's the recipe:


THE BEST BANANA BREAD

The BEST Banana Bread on chef-in-training... This recipe has been put to the test and really is THE BEST! It is SO delicious! #recipe #bread
  • YIELD: 1 loaf
The recipe has been put to the test and has been proven to be the best! It is so delicious!

INGREDIENTS

INSTRUCTIONS

  1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees F. Sprak a 9x5 loaf pan with cooking spray and set aside.
  2. In a large bowl, whisk together eggs, buttermilk and oil until well beaten together.
  3. Add in mashed bananas, both sugars and vanilla and mix well.
  4. Sift in flour, baking soda and salt and mix in nicely, do not over mix.
  5. Pour into greased loaf pan and bake at 325 degrees F for about an hour. Check at an hour by doing the toothpick test. Bake longer as needed until cooked through.
Hope they turn out well!!!!

Clothes

I woke up this morning and put on workout clothes - not because I plan to work out, just because they are comfortable and kind of cute. Blue workout top and a grey skort. I felt pretty confident.

After lunch, I decided maybe I wasn't comfortable. So I put on a big oversized sweater and jean shorts. But the jean shorts that were falling off two weeks ago are rather tight now :( So I changed out of those, into a skirt that ended up being too big and wouldn't stay up. They back into the shorts, and a tanktop and sweat jacket. Then back to my original outfit. Back to the oversized sweater and leggings. Then finally back into the original outfit I was wearing. *SIGH*

So the plan is not to change again today - unless I'm cold and need to put on a jacket. I hate feeling like this. Uncomfortable and wanting to crawl out of my skin and into another body :(

But I won't let this affect me. I am stronger than the mirror. I am stronger than the clothing, I am not defined by a size. 

Onwards.

Ready for a new day!

So after last Night's slip up I was feeling a little discouraged. But today I feel good! Ready to take on the day. My mom brought me a bunch of my clothes from home so it's kind of like I have a bunch of new clothes to wear: I put on makeup this morning too... Trying to feel good about myself. I have such poor self image so I'm trying to do anything I can to boost my self esteem. My haircut is definitely helping.

Hope everyone has a beautiful day :)

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Meals today

Breakfast: Oatmeal with banana, almonds, toast with cream cheese, cinnamon, and sugar

Snack: Fiber cereal, raisins, string cheese

Lunch: Turkey sub sandwich, carrots, apple slices

Snack: Apple, pretzels, string cheese, almonds

Dinner: Cheesy pasta with asparagus and broccoli

Snack: PB banana sandwich with honey and a tea latte :)

What did you eat today?

Pick yourself back up

So after an overall good, successful day, I had a rough time right before bed. I was feeling really uncomfortable and another part took over and we gave in to urges. Not feeling good about it. Feeling like a failure, a screw up, lousy... pretty awful.

I'm thinking a lot of emotions came up for us in family session, that we are a little overwhelmed and a little raw, and that lots of changes are happening right now. We are vulnerable.

So one slip happened... but does that have to mean full blown relapse??? NO! Absolutely not! I can pick myself up, wake up tomorrow morning light and refreshed, have breakfast, keep it down, and begin the day on the right track. I know I can do it. I am determined. I am strong enough. I CAN do this.

Don't give up on yourself, EVER. You are strong. You are brave. You are amazing.
Pick yourself back up.

Feeling good

Today I put on makeup, put cream in my hair, and put on a pink tank top and skirt. I have been told by many people how good I look. Now I'm not good at taking compliments, especially about how I look, but I'm feeling happy that people are noticing I'm taking care of myself. It's a real self esteem booster for people to look at me and think I look nice, not tired or depressed or self conscious.

I had my second family session today and it went well. My parents are taking a lot of ownership for the way I was treated as a kid and I  trying to take in their apologies. It's hard. I want to rescue them, tell them everything's ok... But it wasn't all ok. My parents talk about how they wish they could go back in time and redo my childhood...and in a funny way they can. I am an adult but inside I have parts of me who are 2.3,4,5 really little. They need love and care from me but can also get it from my parents. So in a way my parents are lucky! They can interact with the parts of me that are little and give them a childhood they never had.

Not excited about dinner tonight... Some kind of gooey cheesy casserole. But  going to try and power through. Food is good and it's ok to eat everything in moderation. I usually don't eat the casserole dishes, but I'm going to try it this time. Maybe it will taste good. Won't know until I try it!! After dinner is board game night. Or more like bored game night haha.

How are you spending your evening?

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Things ARE looking up

The title says it... Things are looking up!
This morning I got dressed up and did my hair and put on makeup. I was wearing a dress, I felt confident, I felt ok. Got through breakfast and a yummy coffee/latte. I led a group. Had a challenging but productive session with my therapist. I walked back to my house to change into casual clothes. I put on leggings and a black tank top and looked in the mirror and actually felt ok, almost even liked, what I saw!! I'm bigger yes. There's more of me yes. But I FEEL so much better. My head is clear. I can stand up without falling over. My body is starting to process all the food I've eaten. It doesn't feel like everything is piling up in my stomach.

I am hopeful that things will go up from here. I will get to a healthy weight and stay there. I will find myself finally.

And I treated myself to a delicious iced coffee with mocha syrup. Mmmm.
Off to dinner!

Glad it's a new day

Last night the police were at my house
One of my housemates was suicidal and causing a scene so they called the PET team. I don't like the police coming to the house... Reminds me of the time I was dragged out in handcuffs and brought to the hospital where I was tied down and sedated :( last night I switched quite a bit and felt pretty scared. So I'm glad the police are gone and it's a new day.

This morning I had to dress up in professional clothes for a group called work development. At Hanbleceya we do volunteering. I work with the cats at petco. And every other week we dress up in business attire to practice dressing up for a real job. My dress that I'm wearing was hanging off me a couple weeks ago and now it almost fits...  Should I be happy about this? I'm sure going to try. I keep telling myself it's good that my clothes fit again. Don't know if I believe it yet :/

Breakfadt was half a bagel with cream cheese, two eggs, a veggie sausage, half a banana, and coffee with lots of soy milk. Tasted pretty good. In weeks past I've run out of the house and had behaviors. It's such a relief not having to worry about purging after meals. It really is a breath of fresh air!! Of course feeling full of food is not comfortable yet but it's better than having a raw throat and feeling like I'm going to pass out. I can eat and move on. Not worry about sneaking around and panicking if I got everything up. I can just do normal things. Feel ok. And I'm grateful for that.

Have a lovely day :)

Monday, June 23, 2014

Dinner!

Dinner tonight was actually pretty tasty! I don't generally like the dishes my housemate makes, but this one was ok!

Walked with a peer to get frozen yogurt for snack tonight.... mmmmm... pistachio and coconut with sprinkles, graham cracker crumbs, and peanuts! I'm excited to eat it later :)

Have you eaten anything exciting today?

Productive and overall positive day

I woke up in a decent mood today! Didn't have my coffee because I knew I was getting weighted... Something I need to work on. Eating and drinking enough before weigh day. Anyway, I had an early meeting with one of my therapists. We got into some tough stuff... Trauma and abuse. But I put that in a little container and stored it on a shelf and moved right along with my day. Then I went to petco to see the kitties (just a quick stop to say hello) and to michaels where I got se lanyard for making key chains and bracelets. I love craft stores I could spend every penny in there!

Had lunch and a brief catnap on the couch, and then headed to nutrition group. I get weighed before group. I could tell my weight has gone up, but the good news is I am allowed to go on walks again!! So gaining is good because I'm getting privileges back. And that makes me feel good! Gaining weight feels so wrong most of the time but if there are incentives it's better.

Talked to my dad on the phone. He's proud of me. Which is so weird and foreign. He actually wants to speak to me. He sounds happy. It's a relief to have my parents on my side for the first time. I truly am starting to believe they care and want me to be healthy. I never thought the day would come when I'd want to spend time with my parents. That we'd feel like a family. Amazing.

I'm pretty self conscious about my body today but I haven't let it affect my eating at all.
On the right path...

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Dinner and good news!!

I am FINALLY feeling better. I have eaten everything today with no bloating, no gagging, very insignificant stomach aches. I am so relieved!!! The past few weeks have been HELL with eating. Trying to choke down everything, feeling like I can't eat anymore... my body is adjusting. I have gotten through one of the hardest steps in refeeding. I feel like I can breathe, I am so grateful that my body is getting the message that I will be feeding it and keeping the food down and that it doesn't have to go into danger mode!!
I knew my hard work would pay off... and it is finally paying off.
Sigh of relief!!

Dinner was yummy tonight. Fish tacos with black beans and I made roasted brussels sprouts. They really are tasty when they are roasted! Planning to have my favorite night time treat, pb banana and hot coco, and then I will have made it through a successful day :)






NEVER GIVE UP!!!

I love minions!




The minions make me happy and always brighten my day

Remember; you're one in a minion!!!

Lunch and haircut


Hair cut finally!
Lunch: Turkey sandwich, carrots, nutri grain bar

Hair cut!

Got my hair cut :) it's back to its bouncy curly self and I'm so happy! It really is nice to get my hair done. I was stuck with buns and braids so it feels really nice to have it trimmed again.

This morning after breakfast I wanted to purge so badly. I was stuffed. But I fought and kept it down and had my snack. I am feeling rather proud of myself. I am choosing recovery. choosing the healthy decisions for my body. No it doesn't always feel good but I'm doing it!

I deserve to be healthy. Everyone deserves to be healthy.

We are strong!!!!!

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Meltdown

One of my housemates is an older woman, set in her ways, pretty bitter . She makes constant mean comments about my food - about how much I'm eating. I realize I eat a lot. But it's what my body needs right now. I know I should ignore her comments but they just really hurt my feelings. Makes me want to cry.
"Oooooh you eat so much!" "How could someone eat so much?" "I could never eat all that!"
You get the point.

So after a total meltdown, switching to much younger parts, and trying to get out the door to go to the store to buy binge foods and laxatives, I have calmed down. Why do I allow people to get to me in that way? Yes, I'm eating a lot. No, it's not too much. Yes, it's what my body needs. Yes, it's temporary. No, I'm not a fat pig. Yes, I am doing the right thing. I should KNOW these things. Instead my mind goes to very dark places... that I don't deserve to eat. That I'm worthless. That I have no friends. That I'm stupid and ugly and a waste of space... that our suicide attempt should have worked.

It's sad that I get in this space. And it's my younger parts that go there. Poor Polly, who's seven years old, feels that she is ugly and shouldn't be alive. No seven year old should feel such things. Nobody should feel those things.

So how do I pick myself back up from here? Well I ate dinner, followed through with my meal plan, and that's step one. Step two will be eating snack tonight. Another step, which we did, is reaching out for support. We were honest that we wanted to go to the store instead of just sneaking out. As much as we want to be destructive, we also want to stay on the right path and do the right thing.
And doing the right thing, right now, feels really uncomfortable. Let's face it NO ONE wants to gain weight and go through the process of clothes not fitting, feeling bloated and swollen.. it's miserable and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

So we will listen to music from Frozen to cheer us up. Cuddle stuffed animals - as silly as it sounds, it's comforting for my younger parts. Maybe read some books we got from the library, maybe just watch a funny TV show. We will take care of the body... as much as we want to bang our head and bite our arms we will stay safe. Stay on the right track.
Because we do deserve to get healthy.
Every person deserves to be healthy.

Never stop fighting.

How to beat urges and anxiety

Just finished my 3pm snack... by this time of the day I start to get pretty uncomfortable. It feels like everything I've eaten is just piling up in my stomach, and there's nothing I can do to feel better. The urge to have behaviors skyrockets. I guess the worst time is after dinner... but right now I'm feeling really anxious. All I want to do is go to the store, buy a gallon of ice cream, and drown my sorrows.

Makes no sense right? Feeling full to the brim, yet dying to binge. I know it's emotional, not physical hunger. I am physically full. Emotionally, I don't know where I'm at. So the question is what can one do to soothe him/herself when feeling really high anxiety and panic? I'm going to list all the ones I can think of. If you have ideas on how to reduce anxiety in a healthy way, please share!!

1. color
2. draw
3. write
4. read - get lost in a book
5. listen to music
6. watch a movie or tv show
7. bake (as long as it's not triggering)
8. go for a gentle walk
9. stretch
10. do yoga
11. go on pinterest
12. chat with a friend
13. surf the internet
14. play a musical instrument (I play guitar, flute, and piano)
15. sing karaoke
16. Take a hot shower or bath (if you feel safe)
17. start a blog :)
18. Watch silly youtube videos
19. go out in nature - feed ducks, go to a lake, go for a hike, etc.
20. do an art project - make bracelets, do origami, paint pottery... the ideas are endless!

 So basically there are healthy things to do instead of restrict/binge/purge/overexercise/cutting. There are SO MANY healthy ways to distract and cope with anxiety. To all my nonexistent readers; Thank you for giving me this space to share my thoughts and work through my feelings. I will work through these feelings.


Muffin recipes!


Muffins are great for gaining weight :) Here are some of my favorite recipes! Yum!

Banana Nut Muffins 

2 Sticks Butter 
3 Cups Sugar 
4 Eggs 
4 Cups Flour 
2 tsp. Salt 
1 tsp. Baking Soda 
4 Mashed Bananas (very ripe) 
1 tsp. Vanilla 
1 Cup Sour Cream 
A Bunch of chopped walnuts (optional of course) 

Cream butter and sugar, add the eggs. Mix dry ingredients together separately and add to butter and sugar mixture. Add bananas, sour cream, and vanilla. Fold in nuts. Put in LARGE muffin molds and bake for about 20 min at 350 (a guess the recipe didnt come with that part sorry, keep an eye on them). 



Vanilla Muffins

1 stick butter 
1.5 cups sugar
2 eggs
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
2 mashed bananas
1 teaspoon vanilla
.5 cup sour cream
2 cups chopped walnuts or pecans 
1 cup choclate chips

Mix together the butter and sugar and eggs. Mix together the dry ingredients first, then add to the butter/sugar/egg mixture. Next add the banana, sour cream, and vanilla. Last add the nuts and chocolate chips.

Pour into muffin tins and bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. Delicious!

Coffeecake Muffins
Makes 6
½ cup pecans

¼ cup (1¾ ounces) dark brown sugar

1 teaspoon ground cinnamon

2 cups (10 ounces) all-purpose flour

1 cup (7 ounces) granulated sugar

1 teaspoon salt

8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, cut into ½-inch pieces and softened

1½ teaspoons baking powder

½ teaspoon baking soda

¾ cup sour cream

1 large egg

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1. Adjust an oven rack to the middle position and preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease a standard 12-cup muffin tin and set aside.
2. In the bowl of a food processor fitted with the metal blade, process the nuts, brown sugar, and cinnamon until the nuts are the size of sesame seeds, about ten 1-second pulses. Use a rubber spatula to scrape down the sides and bottom of the food processor bowl and transfer the mixture to a medium bowl and set aside.
3. Return the bowl and metal blade to the food processor, add the flour, granulated sugar, and salt and process until combined, about five 1-second pulses. Sprinkle the butter evenly over the flour mixture and process until the butter is the size of oats, about eight 1-second pulses. Remove ½ cup of the flour-butter mixture and stir it with a fork into the reserved brown sugar mixture until combined to make the streusel. Set aside ¾ cup of the streusel for the muffin batter and the remaining portion for topping the muffins.
4. Add the baking powder and baking soda to the remaining flour mixture in the food processor bowl and process until combined, about five 1-second pulses. Whisk together the sour cream, egg, and vanilla in a 1-cup glass measuring cup and add to the flour mixture. Process until the batter is just moistened, about five 1-second pulses. Add the remaining ¾ cup of the streusel to the flour mixture and process until the streusel is just distributed throughout the batter and the batter looks crumbly, about five 1-second pulses.
5. Using a large spoon sprayed with nonstick cooking spray to prevent sticking, divide the batter among 12 muffin cups. Sprinkle with a scant tablespoon of streusel on top of each muffin, pressing lightly so that the streusel sinks slightly into the batter. Bake the muffins until a toothpick inserted in the center of a muffin comes out with several crumbs clinging to it, about 18 minutes, rotating the pan from front to back halfway through the baking time. Avoid overbaking. Place the muffin tin on a wire rack and allow the muffins to cool in the tin for 2 minutes. Using the tip of a paring knife, loosen the muffins and gently transfer them from the tin to the wire rack. Cool for 5 minutes. Serve warm.
6. If glazing the muffins, place a sheet of parchment paper beneath the wire rack as the muffins cool. Whisk the confectioner’s sugar and water in a medium bowl until smooth. Spoon about 2 teaspoons glaze over each muffin, letting the glaze run down the sides of the muffins. Serve warm.

Apple Crumble Muffins

Yield: Makes 1 Dozen Muffins
Ingredients:
   1/2 cup (4 ounces) butter, softened
   3/4 cup packed light brown sugar
   2 large eggs
   1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
   2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour, Spoon and Sweep Method, about 10 ounces
   2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
   2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
   1/4 teaspoon salt
   2/3 cup milk
   1 cup finely chopped apple
   1/2 cup chopped walnuts, optional
   ***Crumb Topping***
   1/3 cup all-purpose flour
   1/3 cup packed brown sugar
   1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
   pinch salt
   3 tablespoons softened butter
Preparation:
Heat oven to 375°. Line muffin cups with paper liners.
In a large mixing bowl with electric mixer, cream butter and 3/4 cup of brown sugar until light. Beat in the eggs until well blended. Beat in the vanilla extract.
In another bowl combine the 2 1/4 cups of flour with the baking powder, 2 teaspoons of cinnamon, and 1/4 teaspoon of salt.
Add about one third of the dry mixture to the creamed mixture with half of the milk. Beat on low speed just until blended. Add the remaining dry mixture and the remaining milk; beat on low speed just until blended. Fold in the chopped apple. Spoon the batter into 12 prepared muffin cups, filling about 3/4 full.
In a small bowl, combine the 1/3 cup of flour with 1/3 cup of brown sugar, the cinnamon, and the salt; mix to blend thoroughly. Work in the butter with a fork or fingers until the mixture is crumbly. Sprinkle a generous amount over each filled muffin cup.
Bake the muffins for about 18 to 23 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center of a large muffin comes out clean.
Makes 1 dozen apple muffins.

Chocolate Chip Muffins

Cook Time: 20 minutes
Total Time: 20 minutes
Yield: Makes 6 Muffins
Ingredients:
   2 cups all-purpose flour
   2/3 cup granulated sugar
   1 tablespoon baking powder
   1/2 teaspoon salt
   1 cup mini chocolate chips
   1 large egg, beaten
   1 cup milk
   1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
   1/2 cup canola oil or vegetable oil
Preparation:
Heat oven to 400°. Line a 12-cup muffin pan with paper liners or grease and flour the bottoms.
Combine the flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, and chocolate chips in a bowl.
In another bowl, whisk egg with milk, vanilla, and oil. Pour into the dry ingredients and mix just until moistened.
Fill prepared muffin cups about 2/3 full. Bake for 18 to 22 minutes, until golden brown.
Makes 6 chocolate chip muffins.

(570 calories, 28 g fat)

Pumpkin Pecan Muffins

Ingredients:
   1/2 cup butter or margarine, softened
   1 cup sugar
   2 eggs
   1 cup mashed pumpkin, fresh cooked or canned
   2 cups flour
   2 teaspoons baking powder
   1/4 teaspoon salt
   1 teaspoon cinnamon
   1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
   1 cup milk
   1/2 cup chopped pecans

Preparation:
Cream butter; gradually add sugar, beating well. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each. Add pumpkin and beat well. Combine 1 3/4 cups flour, baking powder, salt and spices; mix well. Add flour mixture to butter and sugar mixture alternately with milk, beginning and ending with flour mixture. Beat well after each addition. Dredge pecans in remaining 1/4 cup of flour; fold into batter. Spoon batter into greased muffin cups, filling 2/3 full. Bake at 400° for 25 minutes or until golden. Makes about 18 muffins.

6 large muffins

Blueberry Crumb Muffins
Makes 6 muffins



Crumb:

3/4 cup all-purpose flour

2 tablespoons light brown sugar

2 tablespoons granulated sugar

4 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract

Pinch of salt


Using a fork, mix all ingredients together until well combined. Set aside.



Muffins:

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon baking soda

Pinch of salt

2 large eggs

1/2 cup buttermilk

1/2 cup firmly packed light brown sugar

1/2 cup granulated sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/2 teaspoon lemon zest (optional)

1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted

3/4 to 1 cup blueberries



Preheat oven to 400°. For crisper edges, grease a standard muffin pan. For softer edges, use liners in each cup instead.

Whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt in a medium-sized bowl. Set aside.

In a large bowl, lightly beat eggs. Stir in buttermilk. Add both sugars and mix until combined. Stir in vanilla and lemon zest. Stir in melted butter. Add flour mixture in two to three portions. Mix until there are still streaks of flour remaining. Stir in blueberries, mixing just until combined.

Scoop about 1/4 cup of batter into each cup of prepared pan. This should fill each cup almost to the top. Sprinkle tops of each muffin with crumb mixture.

Bake for 14 to 16 minutes, or until a pick inserted into the center comes out with moist crumbs. Cool in pan on wire rack. Enjoy!