Really struggling to stay on track

I want to purge. I want to purge. I WANT TO PURGE.
I can't purge.

I know from experience that the first couple weeks of refeeding are awful. So uncomfortable. Stomach aches, gas, acid reflux, swollen feet, legs, and stomach... no fun at all. Because the body is adjusting to eating again, and now that I am getting food in my body is holding onto every calorie. Clinging to each bite of food, storing it in my stomach... ugh. I hate this.
I want to give up. I want to purge - I could easily throw up everything I've eaten today. I would feel so much better. But it's a temporary feeling better - it's an instant gratification followed by a whole lot of guilt and shame. I feel ashamed that I've eaten, but it's better than being ashamed because I'm not doing what I'm supposed to.

So how am I going to take care of myself? Has anyone ever been in this refeeding stage? Let's think of some options to feel better...

1. Drinking lots. Water, tea, juice, even coffee. Supposedly the more you drink the less you bloat. Doesn't make much sense. But I'm giving it a try.

2. Following my meal plan, no matter what. My body needs all the nutrients. It's been deprived for long enough. Maybe if I continue eating steadily, my body will realize, "ok I'm getting food now I can stop freaking out." Fingers crossed.

3. Staying busy. Blogging, writing, coloring, making bracelets (Yes I've joined the rainbow loom revolution) reading, playing my guitar and singing... distraction of any kind.

4. Asking for support. I'm lucky to have friends I can text and vent to. Just to chat about the weather, or get into some deeper stuff. I don't necessarily have to say I'm struggling... just saying hi and knowing someone cares about me is helpful.

5. Practice mindfulness, radical acceptance, all that DBT stuff we love. There is something to be said, though, about basic thinking and looking at things from a healthier perspective.

6. Saying affirmations. I am safe. I am loved. I can be healthy. I deserve to eat. I deserve to live. I don't need to punish myself today. I am strong. I can do this. I am a fighter. I am brave. I am enough.

7. Choosing condensed foods to avoid feeling too bloated. Higher calorie foods like nuts, oils, avocado, etc... they have lots of nutrients and calories and you don't need such a huge volume.

8. Saying to myself over and over "This will pass. This is temporary." Because this refeeding stage doesn't last forever. It's temporary. Uncomfortable and miserable, but temporary.

Keep fighting friends.