Foreign territory

Today was a family event at Hanbleceya (the treatment center I'm at). All the clients were allowed to see family members and spend the day together.
It was really nice - I got along so well with both of my parents. I feel like they love me. I feel like we can talk, like we can just get along and be ok. That all the horrible stuff in the past is finally over.
But I'm afraid.
Things are going so well - I am TERRIFIED that everything is going to fall apart, unravel. Things are going too well... it can't last. It just can't. Can it?
I've been wide awake until 1 in the morning the past several nights, just thinking. When are things going to come crashing down? I am in foreign territory. I am eating. I am gaining weight. I am happy. I am getting along with my parents... so weird. It all feels so wrong, so unnatural, I'm afraid that it's going to end and I am going to fall apart worse than ever before.

One moment at a time, I will take things. One day of success is a day of success. Nothing can undo the positive things that are happening right now. Good things are happening and that's ok. It's just scary. Because things are going so well, if something bad were to happen now I would be devastated. I don't know how I'd pick myself back up.

But for now I am going to try to be grateful and soak up the amazing feelings of being loved and actually belonging somewhere. I have a family. For now, I belong. Crazy.

If this is a dream, don't wake me up.