I just can't do this

I can't do this.
My stomach is bloated out a mile and a half.
My legs are swollen and enormous.
I'm crying in a ball.
If this is recovery - why do I want it??? What's the point if I'm going to be miserable?? I could purge right now and feel 100000 times better. All the hard work I've put into eating down the toilet. I could just lean over and throw up everything I've eaten today.
But I'm not going to do this.
I am going to be strong.
I just have to eat a sandwich for snack - pb and banana (yum). And then I'm done. And I can crawl under the covers and wake up new tomorrow. All I have left is that one snack.
I can do this.

I've been in recovery before - I've gone through this process. And it's hard as hell. It's painful and embarrassing. There's gas and bloating and constipation and swelling. It's not pretty. But it DOES go away eventually. It takes a few weeks. A few weeks of MISERY. But it DOES get better.
I can do this.

I will curl up and breathe through the discomfort.
I am determined to get past this difficult time.
To my non-existent readers: thank you for letting me share my pain.
I won't let you or myself down.
I can do this.