Family therapy

Just came out of my first family session at Hanbleceya (the treatment center I'm at). The therapists are kind and supportive. The environment is safe. But I feel as though I might fall apart. I want to cry... cut...scream...yell... so many emotions.

My childhood was hard. 

I won't go into details. 

I have so much shame, so much guilt. I wish I had fought for myself when I was a child, I wish I hadn't been so sensitive, I wish I'd talked back. I wish I'd spoken up. 

But I didn't. 

My parents are apologizing for their part... Not protecting me as a little girl. They are sorry. They are genuinely sorry... and I don't know what to say. They are apologizing and I feel the apologize back, to tell them it's ok, to make them feel better... they are clearly in so much pain. Both said that they wish, every day, they had done things differently. 

I wish things had been different, too.

Feeling very solemn, sad, contemplative, scared... 

But I can finally share my story and be heard. Finally I won't have to live with the secrets. Finally I have a chance to not be all alone. 

We won't be alone. We will be heard, maybe?