Hard morning

I've had a hard morning/afternoon. I went into my therapists office only for her to tell me I can't go on my trip in two weeks: I am so disappointed. But I rescheduled for January. I'm still going! Just have to wait a little longer :( bummed. It's ok and this is not a punishment. Just my team looking out for me. I think at least.

Then I had a doctor appointment with s doctor I love very much. But I saw her with another client I know who is not in a very good place. This is the girl who was so triggering to me several weeks ago. She came out of my doctor's office all weak and dizzy and all i could think was that my doctor won't care about me anymore. I wanted to just get up and leave and not see my doctor. But I waited for her and cried and told her I was afraid she wouldn't care about me anymore: she assured me that isn't the case and that she cares about me very much. I believe her. I just get so jealous and compare myself sometimes. It's something I'm working on... Comparing mysf to others and feeling I won't be cared about anymore. I have room in my heart for many people and so do my therapists/doctors. Another client with similar issues won't make me less important. I'm so hard on myself :(

Back home now and I just had lunch. I'm ok. Just sad. And the friend who's not doing well...I just need to give her space: she needs to make the decision to be healthy herself. It's not up to me to make sure she eats. That's her job. And if she's not ready to be healthy I need to set boundaries to keep myself safe. Makes me sad though.

Plugging along. Sadness will no defeat me.