Trying to move forward

I'm not fully recovered. But I'm not fully sick. I am somewhere in between healthy and unhealthy and it feels like I'm kind of in limbo. I'm uncomfortable in my body. My thoughts are still pretty black and white and at times irrational. But I am trying hard. I am fighting. I still have the negative thoughts but now a days I can fight them. I just and SO desperate to get to the next step in recovery… FULLY recovered. 

I'm trying to get there. I really am. I'm eating, I'm not purging, I'm not overexercising. I'm at a healthy weight. But I'm not 100% recovered. How to get there…. well I assume it will take time. I will continue to eat and feed my body and listen to my hunger. I will eventually not feel so guilty about being hungry and listening to my body. When I'm recovered being hungry won't scare me anymore. I will be OK with listening to my hunger signals and following them. When I'm recovered I won't want to purge anymore or run to compensate for eating. Some day I will be free. 

I am fighting harder than ever, and yet it seems I'm stuck in a partially recovered state. All I want is to get over this hump, to get over this halfway stage and enter full recovery. I think I can get there. It just seems SO far away. 

I WILL get there. I won't be sick forever. I don't want to be sick anymore. I'm sick of being sick! It's time to move to that next step. To move forward. I can do this.