And here I am. I think I'm closer to being in recovery right now than I've ever been. Really! I am healthier now than I've been in forever. I'm eating intuitively for the first time in 5 years. I'm not purging but when I have small slips I pick myself up and keep going forward. I'm at a healthy weight, I've stopped counting calories... I'm drinking enough and have a balanced diet. Food tastes good and I can ADMIT that food tastes good. I can be ok with being hungry, not ashamed. I am confident that I'm eating what my body needs. And sometimes, just sometimes, I am ok with my body. More often than ever, in fact, I am ok with how I look.
Recovery is scary because it's sooooo different from being sick. I've been sick for so long that being sick feels normal. Being sick is comfortable. Recovery requires me to go wayyyy outside of my comfort zone, every day, every meal, every moment. Fighting to do what's right when being sick is SOOO much easier. But I'm doing it. I'm fighting.
A year ago I was in a good place with my eating.. Although I was strictly following s meal plan. But I had one slip up with ourging and entered a rapid downward spiral. And I was not taking care of my parts. My sweet little parts who need love and attention, and my difficult, at times, see parts who are angsty and also need love. This year I'm taking care of all my parts. Making them feel like they matter. And because I'm doing that we are all healthier.
Recovery is hard. Really hard. But it's worth it because recovery is better than being sick. That I'm sure of. I'm on my way to health. Real, true, 100% healthy I KNOW I can get there. I can and will get there.
Never EVER stop fighting friends! Let's make 2015 the healthiest year yet!
Peace and love
Abbi
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