Getting back on track is a MUST

Now getting back on track with my eating is a MUST. I must happen. Today I had a hard session with my dietician… and she brought it up: me going back to residential. This CANNOT happen. I am happy having freedom and independence, I have a life now. I am in school and volunteering, I CANNOT go backwards. End. Of. Story.

Game plan: eat and keep it down. I have some support especially with dinner and I need to embrace that support. I have staff to keep me from getting in trouble. Last night I just waited until the staff was gone. Tonight I will utilize the support. I am doing automatic thought record sheets and affirmations, there is NO reason why I can't get myself back on track. The truth is, when I was in residential I could have continued purging and restricting. But I decided to get my act together and when it was time I did it. I was miserable, but I did it. I can do it now.

I guess I'm hesitant to get "better" this time because my weight is really fine. I lost some weight being sick but gained it back. To be honest, my weight really bothers me. I feel so so ugly when I'm bloated after a day of eating. But I have to work through it. I am NOT going to residential with all the snotty staff and no freedom. I am staying independent. I am turning things around.

Today. I start today. The first part of the day was not successful. But lunch was and so will snack and dinner and night snack. I am going out to dinner with my house tonight, I will eat and keep it down. I deserve to be nourished. My body needs it. Weight is irrelevant. I am depleting my body of the nutrients that it needs and that's not ok. I need to treat my body with kindness. I would NEVER abuse someone else the way I abuse myself, both physically and emotionally. I am so so hard on myself and really very cruel to my body. That stops now.

I will read as many flipping affirmations as I need to to get through this tough time. I am strong. I am brave. I am capable. I am alive. I am resilient. I am loved and lovable. I am a good friend. I am a good sister. I am a good daughter. I am a fighter. I can do this.

PLEASE root fo me. I need someone on my side. Someone who actually believes I can get through this lapse.
And I must root for myself.
I can do this.
Keep fighting friends. We can do this.