Instead

It's after lunch and I'm PANICKING. I want to run away, escape, have behaviors, I know it would give me relief. But does it help me in the long run? Absolutely not! I am going to fight through this. I've eaten the right amount, not too much not too little. Maybe a little too much hot sauce haha. But I've had enough and I DESERVE to keep this food down.

I am going to do the right thing. I am struggling now, but in an hour I will feel ok. I cannot mess up my chance at independence. I REFUSE to go backwards. I do not need more support, I am doing this now, today, this is a new chance at life. A life that is healthy and whole, not sick and broken. I can do this. I contracted to my therapist not to purge until tonight, and I will keep that contract. I owe it to her, she's been so good to me. And I owe it to myself. I am stronger than my eating disorder. I am stronger than my sickness. I am brave, I am strong enough. This is happening.

Until tonight I promise to stay strong. Purging will get me nowhere. Yes, it might provide temproary relief. But it will feel terrible later. I can do this.

Root for me!