Feeling like a horrible person

I had family session this afternoon. And it was hard. Really hard. We talked about me being in the hospital, what that means for the family, how it affects everyone. And it wasn't pretty. At least not in my eyes. In reality, my parents were proud that I reached out for help and glad I am ok. Somehow I heard that as disappointment. My brain is fumbled. And I'm afraid that my therapists are also disappointed in me although they have said nothing to that effect. So I'm confused. I feel like a rotten awful terrible horrible person. I'm trying so hard but failing. I'm trying to be a better person. I wish I was a Better person.

Food today was alright. I'll admit on the light side. Made toast and egg whites again for lunch, cereal and an apple for snack, and then chicken and broccoli for dinner: I couldn't bring myself to eat the pasta. Foods are scaring me left and right and I'm not quite sure what to do other than face them head on and deal with the fears and uncomfortability. I  have to face them at some point. Can't be afraid of food forever.

I will have a night snack and move on with my evening. Toast with peanut butter and banana, and I think I'll make some hot coco. 

Still feeling like a horrible person. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. 

For now I'd like to crawl into a hole and not come out.