Body image

Today I feel HORRIBLE about my body. No clothes look right, my jeans are slipping off my hips really uncomfortably… so I changed into leggings and I feel better. But I'm still sad. My clothe sstill fit. But they don't look the same. They look tighter and different. Part of me wants to just toss all my clothes and get new ones.. but at the same time, I like my clothes. They fit me, I just have to get used to the new way they look on me.

Body image is probably one of the hardest parts of recovery. You eat and eat and stay out of the bathroom and do everything right, and your body just expands and grows and becomes… well, different. I HATE body image stuff. It makes me feel weak and shallow and superficial.. it just isnt' me. Outside doesn't matter to me, it's the INSIDE that matters. Then why am I so self conscious and obsessed with my body? I don't understand it. It baffles me.

So I've gained some weight… so what?? SO WHAT?? Weighing more does NOT make me less of a person, it does NOT tell anyone what kind of young woman I am. I am a caring, kind, compassionate, determined young woman. The size of my body doesn't change that. My weight does NOT define me. I am stronger than that. I  am not a number. I am a person.

So today I will suck it up and deal with my new body. My body image will NOT affect how I eat and what I eat today. I am eating because I deserve it and I am keeping the food down because that's what my body need. My body needs food. And I am going to give my body that food. No excuses.

I will NOT let poor body image get in the way of taking care of myself today.