Feeling motivated

I am feeling motivated today. I feel happy. I feel proud of myself. I feel excited for the future. I haven't felt like this in a long time, and it's AMAZING! I've been so sad and down on myself. I've told myself I'm horrible, that I'm a worthless loser, that I'm unloved. But you know what? Saying those things to yourself only make you unhappy. How is telling yourself you're a loser going to make you feel better?? IT'S NOT!! It's only going to make you feel crappy. And that's how I've felt the past few weeks. Awful about myself. But today I am switching things up.

Today I choose to be POSITIVE. I am strong. I am worthy. I am not a loser, I am a fighter, and I have so many good things to look forward to. Thanksgiving won't be with my family, but I will have thanksgiving with my program and it will be nice. I won't be seeing the play I wanted to see tonight but I will have some girls over for a movie night. I am going to New Orleans in less than a month to see my grandma, my best friend, and my KITTY!!!! I AM SO EXCITED!! And in order to travel I have to be healthy, so that's what I'm doing. I'm being healthy.

Sometimes I feel silly. I'm proud of myself because I'm eating… isn't everyone supposed to eat?? Yes everyone is supposed to eat. But for me it's harder. Eating is a challenge. And when I eat, it is a victory. It seems silly I know to others who don't struggling with an eating disorder, but every day free of eating disorder behaviors is a success. Yesterday, for me, was a HUGE success. I ate everything I needed to without purging. I even had two ensures to make sure I didn't binge and that I had in enough nutrition. I feel proud of myself for yesterday, and so far today I am doing well. Small victories, that may seem trivial, but they're not. They are a big success.

So be proud of yourself. Every meal, every snack is a victory. Every time you fight against your eating disorder voice you are becoming that much stronger. You are amazing. You are beautiful. You are strong. You are determined. You are wonderful. Never EVER give up on yourself. Keep fighting and fighting and even when you feel like you want to give up, keep going because it's worth it. Recovery is worth it.