Concerned

I'm getting concerned. Twice this weekend I have had slip ups, specifically with binging. I'm trying to figure out what's going on and why this is happening…. I'm so confused. My meal plan should be enough to keep me satisfied but maybe my corner-cutting is getting the best of me… I'll admit I change things a bit on my meal plan… making certain food have more exchanges than they actually have. But I'm overall following my meal plan. Another confession: I've been drinking and eating "light" dairy products. I know I need the full fat but the eating disorder has just gotten in the way. I've let it get in the way.

So it's possible that I am hungry. I know how many calories I've been eating and it isn't that high of a number. In fact the number is probably lower than it should be. I am not reaching the calorie levels that I need to be eating. Today after snack I was hungry… and I felt guilty so I went for the ice cream. I wouldn't consider eating a bowl of ice cream a binge, but to me it felt that way, and I've never successfully "binged" without following up with other behaviors. I'm frustrated. Really frustrated. These are OLD behaviors that should not be happening. I need to get back on track.

Today I will have an ensure to make up for what I lost. I will eat dinner and I will eat my snack and I will move forward. But I DO want to know what is causing me to have these behaviors. Is it emotional? Am I not taking care of my feelings? Or am I actually hungry? Either option is possible. I need to figure it out, I know that much. Again, I'm moving forward. No dwelling on mistakes. Nobody is perfect.