This evening I went to Rosh Hashanah services with my parents and sister. We had a family meeting in the afternoon and then I went back to my parents' house. Being at home was like I had never left. The dog greeted me and barked like he always does. My sister has her room. I have my room. It's weird.
We went to temple and that was really, really hard. All the musicians I used to play with are playing their instruments. My sister was singing with the children's choir. She had a solo. I don't feel like I belong anymore. I don't have a place in the community - it used to be music, and it isn't music anymore. I feel like an outcast. I don't belong.
I'm exhausted. But preparing for services tomorrow. Going to focus on the prayer and the music, try to immerse myself in learning and praying.
Surviving.
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