Keep going

I have a lot going on. Therapy, school, volunteering... I'm pretty overwhelmed. It feels that I have no time to myself. I saw my therapist this morning, and she asked me "how am I handling all this?" I mean the stuff I'm studying in school is pretty triggering... child birth, child abuse, parenting, family, socialization. It's hard stuff to think about. I am writing a big project about my childhood, how I was socialized, all the ways I was overlooked and mistreated as a child. We are watching live births in school... more than traumatizing lol. I can't believe the things that women go through. I want to have kids some day, but child birth just seems horrifying. Anyway... I have therapy every day of the week, I'm in groups, I volunteer twice a week.. my schedule is packed. Yet I'm keeping myself together.

How am I staying on track? Well first, I have too much to look forward to to fall apart now. I love school, I am going on a trip to New Orleans over winter break, I am reconnecting with my family, I have my sister to be a good role model to. I just can't slip back now. There's too much good stuff going on. When I feel that I am going to slip back into old behaviors, I picture a big stop sign in my head, stopping me from heading in a direction that I DON'T want to go in. Behind my stop sign I see residential housing, the hospital, depression, eating disorder behaviors... all the things I DO NOT want to happen. I want to stay on track. And somehow I'm managing to do just that.

When you feel like giving up think about all the good things in your life. Think about how much better things can get and then work hard to stay healthy so you can DO those things!! I know that helps me stay on track. I can't give up now and neither can you. Never ever stop fighting!