Resisting

I was hungry when i got home from group…. I hadn't had snack yet, only an iced coffee. And silly me was thinking "oh I'm just going to have a small snack." Dumb. So I had an apple with cinnamon and sugar and a bowl of cooked carrots… and my stomach felt full but I was still HUNGRY. So I had two tea cookies and a cup of tea with soy milk. Now I feel really sloshy. Not full, just feeling that all the food I just ate is swishing around in my stomach. Part of me wants to get rid of this awful feeling. It would be so easy. But the other part of me, the healthy part, knows that this feeling will pass in a little while. I feel like this sometimes, and it DOES NOT mean I have to purge to make myself feel better.

I started panicking a little and got really hot and anxious so I've turned the fan on, I'm writing, I'm relaxing for a few minutes. This feeling will pass. And I didn't eat anything unhealthy… I had an apple and carrots for goodness sake. Silly silly girl I am. Freaking out over an apple and some carrots. I really need to have MORE for my snack to meet my meal plan… I'm going to wait a little bit though.

I have class tonight so I will bring a sandwich with me to eat in class. Usually I bring a hummus sandwich, which I think tastes really yummy… and carrots but I'm kind of feeling sick of carrots at the moment. I will try to find another vegetable to bring with me I think. Perhaps frozen peas?

Pushing forward and NOT overreacting. This is SO hard but I KNOW it's going to be worth it in the end. Never stop fighting. This is worth it.