Is anyone out there?

Tonight we went out to dinner at Coco's and I feel very guilty. I was hungry so I hate my whole meal... I had steamed vegetables on the side, and a veggie burger with sauteed mushrooms. Whole wheat bun... pretty healthy I guess. But the staff who was with us ordered the same thing and only ate half of her burger. She did have some sweet potato fries and bread with butter but I felt i ate SO much more than her and now I feel really guilty. It's stupid really, comparing what I eat to someone else... but the thing is this staff member revealed to me that she used to have an eating disorder, specifically bulimia. I guess this makes me hyperaware. Yesterday this staff was over at my house and she went into the bathroom, and I heard the water running and the toilet flush many times. I got concerned because for me that would be a sign that I was purging. She used to have that issue and I think she's having it again,  but it's not my place to say anything. I feel all torn up inside.

I'm having a really hard time staying grounded. At dinner, Rosie, one of my little parts, came out because I got scared and worried about the staff member. She comes out when I am afraid, she's sweet and innocent and I guess I think people will like her better than me. I had to talk to the staff on call because I switched... I'm not in danger and I don't feel destructive, but I feel that the staff are overreacting with my switching. It's not dangerous. I am ok. 

But I feel like I'm not 100% here. Like my feet are on the ground but my head is in the clouds. I feel disconnected from my body. I feel very young and very old at the same time. I feel lost and confused. I feel like an air-head. I'm just not myself. Hopefully spending some time with my family and just relaxing this weekend will help. 

I see very few people are reading this blog. And that's ok I guess. I write for myself. I just wish people would read, or at least respond and tell me what they'd like to read. 

anyone?