Trusting my body

Today has been a challenging day with food... breakfast I followed my meal plan, but for lunch and dinner I really winged it. It is scary not following my meal plan and just eating until I feel satisfied... sometimes I can't really tell whether I'm satisfied or whether my eating disorder is getting in the way of my hunger cues. Today I had to just trust my body, which is terrifying. Did I eat too much? Did I eat enough?? I really don't know. I just don't know. It feels super uncomfortable to not follow my meal plan, but I did it. I will have the snack that I planned out. I have had my snacks today, even though I ate out. And that's ok... really it IS ok. It's just one day out of the week, out of the month... out of the year! If I ate a little less or a little more it is ok. My body knows what to do.

Trusting my body is hard. I have spent so long controlling what I eat and what I don't eat that I haven't given my body a chance to just normalize out... to eat a little more one day and a little less the next... Every day of the past several years has been meticulously planning out each bite. But I have reached a place in my recovery where it is ok to improvise as I eat. Telling myself I AM going to be ok.

Tonight I went out to a Japanese restaurant... I had a vegetable roll, a cucumber roll, and edamame. I'm realizing that I've had very little protein today... maybe I'll have a Greek yogurt with my snack instead of soy milk.. but then again, it's ok to have a little less of something one day. I'm really trying to be healthy. I think I'm doing ok.

Fighting through the discomfort and not panicking about today!!