Happy monday

Happy Monday everyone. I am sitting in the computer lab at school trying to keep myself from being destructive. I am kind of a mess at the moment. I'm trying to wrap my head around the horrible day that I had yesterday. It feels like I took a few steps backward yesterday.... but I am going to be good today and do everything I need to so I don't have to fall backward any further. I have been honest with my dietitian - I emailed her last night to tell her I'd had a hard day. I will see her today and maybe speak up in nutrition group to get peer support. I cannot go backwards. Only forward.

Bad days used to completely unravel me. I'd fall apart and fall completely into relapse. Yesterday was a bad day.. but I can learn from it. I can look and see what set me off and why I had such a hard time and then learn from that. I know that I can turn things around today. I am determined.... I had my coffee and some trail mix for breakfast, and I'll admit I'm still hungry. All I want to do is go through the cafeteria line and binge, but I can't do that. I ate what I needed.... I will have my snack in a couple hours, and then I will have lunch. Then I will get weighed and it won't matter because I am not defined by a number. That number is not my worth. It doesn't tell anyone that I'm a nice person, or that I'm a good friend, or that I'm a hard worker. It's just my gravitational pull toward the earth. That's it. Nothing else.

I have a big school project that I need to work on, but it's pretty triggering. Looking at my life, analyzing how I was socialized... makes me pretty sad. But I will do well on this project and provide insight.  Hope you all have a lovely day.