It was a hectic morning. Just one of those days. Last night we blew a circuit so our air conditioner, fans, and refrigerator all went off. All my housemates and I were worried about the food, so all of us were stressed out. Our house manager came this morning and figured everything out so we are ok now. I had work development group, talked about school and my volunteer job, and then therapy. I was dreading therapy this morning. I was afraid that I'd be in trouble with my therapist... that she'd be disappointed and yell at me. But she didn't yell. In fact it was a really good session. We talked about my past, how I had to be sneaky in order to survive when I was a child, and why I am still sneaky now. She said she is glad that I am being honest, and the reflection process that I did was good. I am so relieved! I expected to be admonished and punished and that did not happen at all.
Recovery is hard. Every day I have to make the decision to eat and keep my food down. I have to choose every day, every hour, every minute to do the right thing. It gets tiring. But I'm doing it. I haven't purged in over two weeks... maybe even three weeks, and I'll say I'm quite proud. I was purging several times a day, pretty much everything I ate. And now I hardly have the urge to purge anymore. I eat and don't have to think twice about keeping it down, which is enormous progress. I feel healthy, I feel strong, I have energy... I am starting to even ENJOY some of my food, which is a huge deal! I never would have admitted to anyone a few months ago that I actually enjoyed food, and here I am.
If you are reading, I beg you not to give up on yourself. Keep fighting. Keep eating.
You are amazing.
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