Believing

Something I have a lot of trouble with is believing in myself. I don't believe that I can get better. I don't believe that I deserve to be healthy. I don't believe I'll be a good student, and I don't believe I'm a good daughter or sister. There have been times when I didn't believe I should be alive. Sometimes it's hard to believe in yourself.

But every day, I am believing in myself more. Every day I feel less like purging and more like eating and keeping it down. Every day I feel more like walking for enjoyment and I believe that I can feel good. Every day I start to believe a little more that I will survive and I will have a life worth living.

I believe that some day I will be normal around food. I will eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. I will listen to my body and give it what it needs, when it needs it. I believe that some day I won't be afraid of desserts, and I won't be scared to treat myself with food every once and a while. I believe that some day I will be able to walk and run as much as I want and not think about the calories burned or whether it's healthy or not. I believe some day I will be free of my eating disorder and won't be in treatment. I believe I will find a career that makes me happy, and that I will make friends. I believe some day I will meet someone special and fall in love, and have a family, and feel like I finally belong.

I am trying to believe in myself. To change my thought process that has been so negative for so long. I have pretty much never believed in myself. I have always felt unworthy, undeserving, like a lost cause. But I'm not yet a lost cause. I'm on the right track. I am healing. I can learn to believe in myself.

Believe in yourself.