A world of triggers

Possible trigger warning...



Today I was working with the kitties at petco. I work with a few other nice ladies, we all love cats, it's a great environment. On the cart, there is a big jar of jelly beans for all the volunteers. One of the volunteers, a woman maybe in her late 20s, said "Give me red and pink jelly beans, I haven't had anything 'bad' in weeks." She then proceeded to tell us she had only eaten 800 calories a day for three weeks. That she was beyond hungry. That she had passed out at the gym the other way. She is a beautiful young woman, and she said "I am grossly overweight." and then talked about what weight she feels most comfortable in. I was thrown off. I didn't know what to say.

I spoke up. I said that eating 800 calories a day is really unhealthy and that she should see a dietician. She said she's been in eating disorder treatment and that she saw a dietician for two years, and that she is restricting so heavily in order to avoid binging and purging. I feel very sad for her. She's a beautiful girl. It gives a hard blow, the reality that people in the world really do struggle with eating. It's not just in treatment, it's everywhere. People really struggle. And it breaks my heart.

I got out my snack; granola bar and string cheese. This girl laughed and said that I'm a "creature of habit" as I bring a string cheese and granola bar with me every week to petco. I find that if I skip snack or even eat it late, I get so hungry and shaky, and being hungry and shaky for me is risky and definitely sets me up to have behaviors like binging or purging. I nibbled on my snack hoping that the other women wouldn't say anything. I tried laughing while she laughed, but the thing is eating still makes me embarrassed. I wish I didn't have to eat in front of people sometimes. I wish I wasn't embarrassed to eat.

I think I handled the situation pretty well. I didn't fall apart or share too much about myself. I was strong with my response that this girl needs help, and I told her that I really am concerned about her health. I hope she gets the help she deserves. Basically, the world is full of triggers. People are triggering. I am learning to handle these everyday interactions. It will just make me a stronger person.

I saw my dietician this afternoon. And guess what? My meal plan is staying the same. No decreases. My body is doing really well on this meal plan. It's a LOT of food. But it's what I need right now. This is what I need. I'm not at my goal weight yet. I will get there. Sigh. Powering through.