My eating disorder: part 8

I drove to Los Angeles to get treatment at Del Amo Hospital. Del Amo is a specialized program for eating disorders, and luckily for me on the same wing is the trauma treatment program, which is known as one of the best in the country. The staff were firm but caring. The first week I tried purging and was immediately put on probation. I knew this was one of my last chances, so I got my act together and started to work the program. And once I started working the program, I saw how wonderful it was. I thrived at Del Amo, and left the program at a healthy weight and healthier in my mind.

I maintained my weight and was without behaviors for three months. For my birthday my family and I went to Las Vegas. I developed a close relationship with my sister. I was happy.

Unfortunately, I was caught off guard when I got my period for the first time. It brought up lots of memories and trauma flashbacks, and I fell apart. In less than a week I started to restrict and purge and lose weight. It took only a week to fall into complete relapse, and then one of my parts took a lethal overdose on all my medications, tylenol, advil - pretty much everything in the house. I was taken to the hospital by ambulance and was on a respirator for a few days because I went into respiratory failure. It was absolute rock bottom, and if my dad hadn't found me I would not have survived. I spent a week in ICU at the hospital, two weeks in the psych ward, and then went back to Del Amo hospital for 8 weeks. I was discharged from Del Amo, not quite in the best shape like I was the first time, and started at the program I'm in now, Hanbleceya.

My first few days in Hanbleceya I ate nothing. And then it was noticed, and I had to start eating, so I started to purge everything again. It took 3 months to hit a pretty low weight, and I was told either I start eating or go in the hospital. I didn't want to be fed through a tube, or be stuck in a hospital when I could eat on my own and get better. And something clicked. I had to get better and I had to do it myself. And I did.

And here I am. Healthier than I've EVER been. Ready to start school, start working again soon... things are going well. I'm working so hard.

That's my story. If I inspire one person I'll be happy. My journey has been long and scary. It's been a major roller coaster. But I'm alive, and now I'm finally living and thriving.

Never give up.