Six months ago I was a suicidal shell of myself. I just didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't trust myself at all. I was afraid I would go to bed at night and not wake up. I was afraid I would be found in my room no longer breathing. It was terrifying. I wouldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. I was a wreck. I just couldn't take care of myself. I knew the only way i would survive was if I had 24-7 supervision. And in the beginning, even with support, I fell apart. I got sick. Really sick. But something in my head finally clicked and do you know what I did? I decided to get better.
And here I am. Eating six times a day, feeding and nourishing my body and keeping it all down. I'm allowed to walk and go places myself. I can walk into a bathroom and not want to purge. I can shower at night before bed and know that my bloated belly will be alright in the morning. I sleep through the night and don't wake up crying or vomiting. I let myself eat chocolate. I walk because it makes me feel good, not to burn calories. I'm making friends. My family is being repaired, finally, when I thought we were a lost cause. I feel, really for the first time, that I am loved and cared about. Life is going.
This time I chose to get healthy. I chose to eat 3200 calories a day. I chose to eat even when I thought I couldn't eat any more. I had support but I made this happen. And I am proud of myself.
I'm not recovered, not near there yet. But I have come a very long way. And I believe recovery is possible. Don't give up because you CAN heal. You deserve to be healthy and happy and living.
Never EVER give up.
Beautiful!!
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