I have not eaten enough today and I walked over 2 hours, and now I am HUNGRY. I want to eat chocolate and candy and fruit and bread and vegetables and ice cream and cake and cookies..... I could eat ALL of that right now.
So why don't I get up and eat something? Because I'm afraid that if I start I won't be able to stop. I will eat and eat and eat and break my no-purging record. I can't do that. I had one square of chocolate extra and I already feel kind of bad, I know it's crazy, but I feel bad.
WHAT is wrong with my brain?? Clearly my body is hungry, I need food, and I am sitting here chewing gum and drinking tea and depriving myself. It makes me sad. It makes me really really sad that I can't just take care of my body the way it needs to be taken care of. I'm thinking yes, I'm probably physically hungry. I also thing I'm bionic woman, I don't need to eat to survive. Hah.
I emailed my dietician, asking her for permission to eat. Maybe if she responds and tells me that eating is the right thing to do, I can do it.
I will certainly eat my night snack, it's just a matter of probably needing more than just that.
Maybe I can give myself permission to eat.
You deserve to eat.
Animals deserve to eat, kids deserve to eat, people deserve to eat, YOU deserve to eat and feel satiated. One snack is not going to affect your weight. You deserve to eat.
You deserve to eat.
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