Finally starting school

The past few years have been awful. In hospitals, treatment centers.... I've been really sick. And it's been truly terrible. I completed one semester of school but almost died doing it... My last day of the semester I passed out running in the park and ended up in the hospital. Since then I've been in the hospital and treatment 14 times. I tried every semester to sign up for school, and each time I had to drop my classes at the last minute because I was too sick and in the hospital. I've been so disappointed in myself: I've felt like an utter failure. 

But here I am. I haven't been in the hospital for 6 months!! That's a record!!! I almost ended up in the hospital but I turned things around and got better. I gained the weight and now I'm at a healthy weight for my body. I'm eating consistently, walking, and I'm just feeling so much happier. For the first time in years I actually want to be alive. This is a huge deal for me.

My dissociative identity disorder has also gotten in the way of school. My younger parts would come out in classes and get scared, and I couldn't stay grounded. Id blank out and just couldn't keep myself together. Now my parts are coming out much less and I'm able to stay grounded. I am Abbi most of the time. Polly still comes out but much less frequently and I can usually tell what's going on when she is out. My other parts know I'm doing well and they are letting me take charge and give them the care that they need. I am finally giving my parts the care and love and understanding that they deserve. 

Tomorrow I am starting school and I can't even begin to explain how excited I feel: this is a HUGE step for me: for my whole system.... To not be in the hospital, to not be locked up, to not be suicidal....it feels kind of like a miracle. I thought I would be dead before I got a chance to start school again. And I almost did die. But I'm alive and kicking and ready to take on life. I want it to be Tomorrow already!!!

Bring on life!! I'm ready!!!