Challenge conquered!!!

I did it!!! I ate at Mcdonald's. I didn't eat too much. I didn't eat too little. It's not the healthiest food someone can eat, but every once in a while it's ok! I feel proud of myself for getting through a whole lunch without restricting and without binging like I did in the past.

I ordered 6 chicken nuggets, a small french fry, a coffee, and my dietician insisted it wasn't enough so I got a little yogurt parfait. Ordering I was really nervous, and kind of embarrassed. I didn't want people taking my order, I was afraid of what they'd think. But I ordered and got my food and sat down to eat. I was feeling really really anxious at first, but as I started eating I felt ok. When I finished I had a really strong urge to get up and purge, but that feeling passed really quickly and then I felt ok. My dietician was really supportive. She told me I look no different from before I ate the lunch, and that what I had eaten was just the right amount. I conquered a major challenge and I feel proud of myself.

I got weighed, and apparently I have maintained my weight for the past few weeks, which is good, but I still need to gain a little. UGH! I am just starting to feel comfortable at this weight and I have to gain more??? It feels uncalled for, kind of unfair. But my treatment team wants to make sure that I am at a safe enough weight that if I were to have a mini relapse or get a stomach flu that I would not lose weight and then suddenly be underweight and sick again. I need to have a little extra on me I suppose as a safety net, a "cushion" I guess. I don't like it but I do understand why it has to happen.

If everything goes as planned I will be moving into independent housing really really soon! Like maybe next week! I just have to get through one thing, and not put myself in danger, and I will be free! No more babysitting for me! Some freedom to eat my own breakfast, walk places, and just feel more like an adult. I am so excited. I can't wait!! AHH!!

I feel very accomplished. And you know what? Tonight we are going out to dinner, so that means I will eat out twice in one day! Major challenge! We are going to eat Japanese food, and I always get the same thing so I'm thinking of ordering something new. I always get a teriyaki chicken bowl, but I really want a veggie or avocado roll. So I talked to my dietician and maybe I will get a veggie roll and some edamame and maybe chicken skewers. I can do this.

Fighting hard!! NEVER give up!!!!!