I am experiencing some of the same feelings my mom is right now. I have, in some ways, neglected my parts. Left them out to deal with my negative emotions and difficult situations. Whenever I feel stressed and anxious or scared my parts try to come out and protect me. And up until now I've let them do that. I've let Polly come out and deal with confrontations and even left her out for over a week in the psych ward after my suicide attempt. I've blamed my parts for negative things I've done... I've left them out to deal with situations that are beyond their years. No seven year old should be in an adult psych ward. I feel awful.
But that's changing now. Today in family therapy I felt myself slipping away. I felt like I was fading and someone else was going to come out but I sat and breathed and put my feet on the floor and stayed grounded. I stayed present and dealt with really really hard emotions. I didn't want to stay. I wanted to run out of the room and cry. I teared up; but I stayed in the room. I told my parents what I was thinking, even though I was ashamed of my thoughts. I was honest and real and that's how things are going to get better - If I'm real. I have to be real to get this work with my family done. It's a long, hard process repairing a broken family but I believe it will be worth it. I'm still going to see my mom for lunch on Saturday so we are not letting our work in therapy get in the way of having a good time together.
I'm feeling really raw and overwhelmed. And being at my house right now is really stressful... I'm not getting along with one of my housemates. She scares me and I don't like being around her :( being home sucks. I'm just going to listen to my music and breathe and maybe go for a walk.
Going to post some inspiration now :)
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