Today has been a hard day. Petco interaction with the ladies I was working with.... the mirror issue... so many stupid little things that have really gotten to me. I want a mirror!! I want to be able to see how my clothes look! I don't want to hang around people who starve themselves and pass out and binge and purge. I want normalcy. I want to feel like a normal adult. Sometimes I do, and I'll say the independence I have now feels MUCH better than I felt last week. But I still have staff constantly bugging me. I still have lots of supervision. And the ridiculous thing is even the staff I'm with is triggering. Tonight we went out to dinner and the staff I was with was telling another woman how thin she looks, and then as she was eating her dinner said "I hate eating." Does she KNOW I struggle with an eating disorder?? People are so ignorant!!
Trying to look at the positives. I haven't had eating disorder behaviors in a week. I am eating well, by myself, without anyone making me. I am working at Petco, going to school three days a week. There are a LOT of good things going for me. I'm on my way to freedom and independence. Silly mirrors aren't going to hold me back. I'll just have to use the bathroom mirror. I still don't understand why I can't have a mirror, but I'll suck it up. I'll deal with it.
Tomorrow I am going to play with kitties (different people to work with tomorrow) and then I'm going to Build a Bear with my sister. She's wanted to go for months and it is finally happening. I think it's so sweet. Looking forward to that for sure. For now I'm drinking a sweet, yummy decaf coffee and I will have snack and go to sleep early.
Good night
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