Flashbacks

It's like I leave the world and go back to another time... To the past where things were horrible and scary and unsafe. It's a terrible feeling to be completely helpless and trapped in my own head. So scary. And it's even worse when my body feels the memories too. The pressure; the ache, the pain.... It's all too much. I want to crawl out of skin, or get a brain transplant. Have a brain without all my memories. But that isn't going to happen so I have to deal with the flashbacks and other PTSD symptoms:

How do I deal? 

I curl up in a ball and cry.

I wail and yell and tell the imaginary images in my head to go away, to leave me alone, to stop hurting me. I writhe on the floor in pain and wait for someone to bring me an ice pack to help me come back to reality. I sit and cry and wait for the scary feelings to pass, and then I stand up, wipe my tears, and move on with my day.

This happens. And it's hard. But I am strong. I am a fighter. I believe that I will beat the odds and make it. I am not going to give up. I will get healthy and stronger. I will realize the memories are real but they aren't my truth anymore. I am an adult. I am safe. It is 2014. I am alive despite the odds. I am becoming healthy.

I am safe

I am safe

They can't hurt me anymore.

I am safe.