My eating disorder: part 7

I flew to Arizona. The first few days I was on suicide watch, as my younger parts were cutting and my part Alison was purging. I was also on bed rest. I was let out of suicide watch into the main treatment community, and got away with stealing a pair of scissors and then cutting pretty badly. It took only two weeks for the team at Rosewood Ranch to decide they couldn't handle my case. They had me transferred to Rader Programs at Pacific Shores Hospital.

I stopped eating and nobody cared. The program at Pacific Shores was geared toward weight LOSS not weight gain. All the food was diet and sugar free. The clients were out of control, purging in the showers, I cut myself every night and purged every meal. The doctor sent me to the hospital to have a picc line put in so that I could be fed intravenously. It was the most horrible experience I have ever had. I left that program at a lower weight than I'd EVER been. I was so sick. My mother picked me up and brought me to their home in San Diego. It was so strange being home again. I passed out the next day and went to the hospital with heart palpitations and electrolyte imbalances. I was transferred to the Children's Hospital, which now has an eating disorder treatment wing. I was there for a few weeks.

Children's Hospital wanted me to go to an inpatient program. I wanted to go home. Settled with residential, called Montecatini. I didn't like the staff, and my parents pretty much abandoned me, and I started to feel suicidal again. The police were called because I was trying to jump off the house balcony. I was transported in handcuffs to the hospital where I was restrained in 4 point restraints and shot in the leg with a sedative. It was the scariest experience of my life.

I then was transferred to a psychiatric hospital, and from there an eating disorder inpatient hospital called Reasons. I was only there a few weeks, but I purged the entire time I was there, and was threatened that if my parts came out I would be sent to the general psych ward. I did not want to go to the psych ward, so I refused to speak. Insurance cut out and I went home.

I started at UCSD's outpatient eating disorder program again. I was there 10 hours a day, but purged while I was in program and after when I got home. I spend months at their OP program, purging, having mornings of being dizzy and unable to get out of bed. I became severely depressed again. My weight started to drop significantly and I started weighing myself obsessively. I started to count calories and exercise and binge and purge. I was a mess. And I was ready to give up. So many hospitals in a year I just couldn't handle it anymore.

I reached a bottom of being unable to eat anything without sobbing hysterically. I and most of my parts were suicidal and wanted to be dead. My parents finally found Del Amo hospital, and after another stay in the psych ward I was transferred to Del Amo. I FINALLY found the help that I needed.