It's ok to rest

This morning I was up at 4am (boo) and I didn't know what to do. So I laid around and did nothing. Finally at 7 I got up to take a shower, which I really hate. I hate showering, being all wet and cold, it's just really uncomfortable. Anyway. I decided maybe I could go for a walk. Then I looked out the window. It's gloomy out, I am kind of sleepy... so I decided I would just rest this morning. Part of my brain is screaming at me, telling me I'm lazy. The other, healthy part, is telling me "good job."

It is OK to rest. It's ok to listen to your body. I am starting to listen to my body for the first time in many, many years. Walking didn't sound like a good idea, so I stayed home. This is a big deal for me. Usually I would force myself to go out anyway, and once I start walking I'd probably feel ok, but it's better that I stayed home. And will this affect the way I eat today? Absolutely not! I will probably walk later anyway, and even if I didn't walk, I still deserve my whole meal plan. It feels wrong, but I know I'm doing the right thing. Baby steps.

This morning I am going to play with kitties again (yay) and then I am going to lunch and the movies with my dad. I'm excited to get out and about and feel like a real person instead of someone in treatment. My dad and I are getting along for the first time in my life, and it feels really nice. I can talk to him, laugh, make jokes, be sarcastic, and it's ok. We get along well. He's made SO many positive changes, it's remarkable. I am very grateful that he is back in my life.

I'm going to have breakfast and get ready for my day!