I just need more

My dietician didn't tell me my weight... but I was honest about how I've done with eating over the past few days and the amount of walking I've been doing, and her response: I need more food. 

It's frustrating because I feel that I am eating so much already, but the truth is it's my body, it's different from everyone else's and I need more! It's not a bad thing, or a flaw or defect, it's just a fact. If I want to walk and be active I need to eat. 

So today I need to add in a few fats, a few proteins, a few starches... maybe I'll just down another ensure haha. But I can do this. I know I can. I have done this before. And you know what?? I DESERVE to eat and enjoy what I am eating! I deserve to be healthy and feel good. 

Tonight for dinner is macaroni and cheese (ugh) and I'd rather not touch it, but I will eat it. It's good for my body and it's nutritious and maybe it will even taste good? Who knows until I try!

Today one of my housemates moved into independent housing... I'm happy for him but also really jealous. I want to move out! So badly! I'm working so hard!! I will get there. The waiting process just sucks. Tomorrow I see one of my therapists, who always seems to make me think hard about things (and makes me cry haha) and I will talk to her about the next steps with my treatment. I am glad I have fewer rules now, I am able to walk and go places on my own, but I REALLY want some more independence. 

I'll get there. 

For now, lots of food. And I've made a commitment, NO MORE calorie counting on my phone. I don't have My Fitness Pal anymore, I already know the calories to all the foods I eat, I just use my calculator. But I am going to make a conscious effort NOT to calorie count at all. It just isn't healthy. It is not something someone in recovery should be doing. So goodbye calorie counting!

Baby steps.