Progress

Saw my doctor today... And she is so proud of all the progress I've made in the past few weeks. When she saw me two times I was painfully thin and unable to stand without feeling like I would pass out. I couldn't walk a couple blocks to the treatment center from my house. I couldn't open bottles and it took all my energy to brush my hair and tie my shoes!

Today I am in a much different place. Yes I weigh more. Yes I am strong and happier and healthier and more full of life. Yes my clothes are tighter but I feel the difference in my body. The dizziness is gone. I'm not cold all the time, I can walk and run even without passing out. I feel so much better and the people in my life tracking my progress are NOTICING how hard I've been working. And that feels good.

I guess for a long time I thrived off negative attention... Attention for being too sick, too weak, too suicidal, and too dangerous to myself to be trusted and counted on. I needed that attention I needed to be sick. Now I am getting positive attention and feedback and you know what?? It feels SO much better! Instead of concerned pity looks I get smiles and laughs and a chance to celebrate the fact that I am thriving and not just trying to stay alive. 

Every day I am seeing that recovery is with it. Yes there are low points everyday where I want to crawl out of my skins but overall I feel ok. And good things are going to start happening! Baby steps. Progress, one moment at a time.