Monday, July 14, 2014

Waiting long enough for things to even out

When you recovery from an eating disorder sometimes you have to gain weight - not always - but in my case yes. I've gained a good 20 pounds in the past 5 weeks and it's super uncomfortable and quite noticeable. The good thing is I didn't grow out if my clothes because I never buy clothes when I am sick... In fact all my clothes for me great now! They just do not look the same. Clothes that hung off me a few weeks ago are now form fitting and it's really uncomfortable. I'm especially self conscious about my stomach puffing out.

I know that people who are gaining weight after restricting don't always gain weight in the most graceful way... In fact it's far from graceful and often really unattractive because the weight ALL goes to your stomach. All the weight I've gained feels like it's gone to my stomach and it's really hard to come to grips with. Logically I know the body does this for a reason... All the day goes to the stomach and abdomens because that's where all your organs are and they need protections ASAP. It's a protective mechanism just not very pretty.
For example my fingers and arms are still rather thin... It's my stomach and somewhat my legs that have swelled up. Ugh. So uncomfortable.
My point... The weight DOES  redistribute. If you give it long enough all that belly fat will spread out to the arms and legs and feet and hands and fingers. It's just hard waiting. I want to redistribution to happen NOW not in a few months from now. I just have had issues in the past waiting long enough for that process to happen. I've always relapsed before my body knew it was actually safe and had enough fat to be healthy. 
This time I can make things different. Being at my goal weight does NOT mean that I stop eating. It means I continue to eat and maintain and stay healthy. I exercise as much as I am allowed, not a crazy insane amount of exercise. I be kind to myself and gentle while my body realizes that it's safe now. That it can be assured there is enough weight on me to be protected and safe.
The weight will redistribute. I just have to be patient.
You are stronger than you believe.  Keep fighting!!

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