This morning I woke up on the right side of the bed. I took a shower, and looking at my body in the mirror I actually feel ok! It's weird. Yes I'm bigger. Yes I'm filling out... But it's ok. I'm getting healthy. A few weeks ago I was so dizzy in the mornings that I had to sit down in the shower. Now I feel strong and healthy. Not weak and dizzy. I hate feeling like I'm going to pass out... I'd rather be bigger and healthy than tiny and weak.
Recovery is hard.
It feels wrong in so many ways to be in recovery. It goes against all the distorted thoughts and rules. But it's worth it.
My parts have been pretty quiet. I don't talk about them much, but I should. They are a huge part of me. I'll give an update.
Polly: doing pretty well! Eating when she is out, and happy most of the time. She's recovered from her huge meltdown a couple weeks ago and I think that feeling physically better is helping her mood. I love Polly. Such a sweet girl.
Alison: been pretty quiet, but not restricting or purging which is great!! She's not resisting and she's not locked up so things are going well. At some point Alison needs to come out in family therapy as she has lots of problems with my parents. She has a lot of anger and resentment toward them, and toward my sister (Alison and my sister are the same she, lots of comparing and rivalry).
Rosie: scared of one of our housemates so she's been hiding for the most part... She came out a couple weeks ago and asked to " go home". I think it will be good for her to spend some time with my parents. She needs some love for sure.
Charlotte: surprisingly quiet... Don't know what's going on with her but it's ok.
It's complicated having parts. But I've gotten used to it. I don't know who I'd be without my parts... They make me who I am and I love all of them dearly. It's like having lots of little siblings, or even being a parent especially to Rosie and the other really little parts.
Breakfast: breakfast burrito with egg, cheese, and beans, berries, and coffee :)
What did you have for breakfast?
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