Independence Day... Independence has been a huge theme in my life. I don't know if I've written about my emancipation; I'll talk a little about it now.
When I was 16 I moved out of my parents house and lived with different families. I went to court and emancipated legally from my parents, to gain more independence. Emancipation is essentially a "divorce" from your parents. Once I emancipated I was able to sign all documents for myself and have all my money. It was a hard process. I had to prove I was working and able to financially support myself, and that I had a place to live. My parents stood in the court room when the judge declared me an emancipated minor. We all cried.
I thought independence would change things. I thought that if I moved out of my parents house and forgot about them that my problems would go away. That my eating would get better...that I would be happy. I thought my life would be so much better being alone. I thought I'd finally be free.
Boy, was I wrong. I started living with different families, but I was really sick and none of the houses worked out. I became very bulimic, binging and purging every day, and spending all my money on food. I was living literally hand to mouth. Everything I owned was piled in my car. I cried all the time. I missed my parents terribly but refused to admit how much I really missed them. I spent nights in my car. I was practically homeless.
It took a year before I got on a plane and flew to New Orleans to live with my grandma. My grandma encouraged me to get back in touch with my parents after over a year. I can't thank my grandma enough for pushing me to get back in contact with them. Without my parents there is no way I could have paid for treatment for my eating disorder.
I've learned that independence doesn't mean doing things all alone. Independence means doing things yourself but it's OK to ask for help and to get support. People aren't meant to be alone, at least I don't think so. People need love and support. I thought that I was super girl and I didn't need love and support and parents. But I was 16! I desperately needed support and love. I see that now.
I don't have much independence right now; but I am working toward it. I'm working hard to get healthy so I can have my independence back.
And I'm working toward gaining freedom from my eating disorder. Every meal, every bite, is a step toward freedom. I am seeing that I deserve to be free and healthy. Every person deserves to be free.
Happy Independence Day!
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