Chance to start over

Yesterday was not what I'd call a success.. Much of it was spent crying (which happens sometimes that's ok) but I also didn't follow through with keeping down dinner and snack. I felt shaky and hungry and overall not good, which I guess is a reminder for me of how crappy I feel when I have behaviors. It doesn't feel good. My body cries out for care and last night I didn't give it the care it needed. I should have had ensures to make up for what I lost, but I didnt. I went to bed hungry. Luckily I fell asleep pretty  quickly so there wasn't too much time to feel sorry for myself.

But today is a new day. A chance to start over. I've made my coffee drink which I'm sipping and I will have breakfast, all of breakfast; and keep it down. And then I will have snack and lunch and snack and dinner and snack (but I'm going to focus on one thing at a time. Getting through breakfast). It will be a better day. I can choose to make today a better day.

I feel like I don't deserve all the food I'm eating because I'm close to my goal weight... But from what I've heard one if the hardest parts of recovery is gaining those last few pounds. It's easy to undershoot but from what I've read the lower your recovery weight the more likely you are to relapse. I want to be safe so I suppose I need to gain these last few pounds: it's uncomfortable but needs to happen. I talked to my therapist also about the importance of having a little extra weight on me:.. If I relapse or have a slip up, or even if I get the flu or stomach but I'll have a little weight to fall back on I guess. 

Anyway, I'm starting the day. 

Breakfast: toast w almond butter, frozen berries, veggie sausage, and soy milk coffee