Anyway, I went to get a treat with my friend... Boba with milk tea, which I love. But the eating disorder got in the way. I didn't know the calorie count, I didn't know how much boba they put in the drink... I drank it and it tasted really yummy. But anxiety hit. I started feeling dizzy and like I couldn't breathe. I felt sick to my stomach. I got home and had to go to the bathroom, and while I was in the bathroom I notice how huge my stomach was. HUGE. Pregnant 8 months huge. And I started to sweat and feel like I would pass out and next thing I knew I was leaning over the toilet.
Big step backwards. I feel so ashamed. So disappointed.
But from here I will eat dinner and move on with my life. I feel enormous. But it's part of the recovery process... All the weight goes to your stomach. Eventually it will even out, at least it's supposed to. I just never give it enough time to redistribute before relapsing. It will be different this time.
I have things to look forward to. And they will not happen if I am sick. I am debating about whether I should have an ensure to make up for what I lost.
Ahhhhhhh I hate my anxious brain.
Anyway. Never give up. Slips happen. They aren't the end of the world. They are a chance to learn. To grow. To change for next time.
Dinner: spaghetti and turkey meatballs, and Brussels sprouts
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