I said something tonight that offended one of my housemates. It was a joke, harmless, just a quick remark. But it offended and hurt her. The staff brought it to my attention, and I completely fell apart. I switched into Bee, one of my younger, very depressed parts, and started sobbing on the floor, banging my head against the wall ad floor, crying that I was a horrible person who did no deserve to be alive. I tried to wrap my hands around my neck and strangle myself. My reaction was extreme.
But I feel terrible.... to have said something hurtful.
I feel like I am bad person. Bad to the core. That I am evil, wicked, ruined, despicable. I feel so guilty. I don't think this housemate will ever want to talk to me again - and I don't really want to talk to her. I'm too ashamed.
Am I overreacting? I think so. But my feelings of despair and shame are real to me. I feel truly like a terrible person. I wish I had thought before saying what I did.
Can't find anything positive to say right now. Sometimes I really hate myself.
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