No counting just eating

Part of my eating disorder has always been obsessively counting calories. I mean obsessive to the point of counting the "potential" calories in sugar free gum. Running to burn xxxx. Eating to only xx. It's been crazy making since I was about 11 and it still is there. Lingering some days, really strong on other days. It's hard. To me food is no longer food or nourishment or something enjoyable. Food is a number.

I plan to break this habit. I've been making changes to my meal plans throughout the day, picking what sounds good. I'll admit that i still pick the foods with lower counts. It's not healthy. When I'm hungry at nigjt and want to eat I pick carrots because that is the safest choice. Sometimes i really do want carrots! But other times i really want a piece of chocolate and I deny myself. That's not healthy. Eating only chocolate isn't healthy, and neither is eating only carrots!! It's all about moderation. 

I am trying to live by the idea. ALL FOOD IS OK in moderation. I can eat unhealthy one day and then keep it to healthy the next. My body will learn it's not going to be starved

Tonight i had dinner out with my dietician. No calories, just food. And it felt ok! And tonight I am getting frozen yogurt! Trying so hard. Will power through.

Baby steps