After dinner tonight I was still hungry... so I had an extra salad, and a square of chocolate, and I was STILL hungry. Gah. So I went to the store and ate an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's. Nothing I've eaten the second half of the day has stayed down :( Feeling like an utter failure.
Why am I having this problem? I was doing so well.
I think I know.
I lowered my calorie intake significantly, probably by at least 800 calories a day. Maybe this is my body saying I NEED those extra calories? It feels like a lot, I was eating about 2800-3000 calories and now I am at 1900-2200. Maybe it's not enough. Perhaps tomorrow I won't cut so many corners. Cutting corners is getting me in big trouble.
I want to come clean to my treatment team, but I don't want to seem like I've taken a step backwards. I am STILL moving forward, slowly but surely. These are just bumps in the road. Things have been chaotic. I am responding to that in unhealthy ways.
So I will have my full snack tonight, maybe add something, and then start again tomorrow. Every day is a chance to start over, a new beginning. Tomorrow I will do better.
Trying not to be too hard on myself... this is a process. A difficult process! I can do this.
Never stop fighting.
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