The weight redistributes & affirmations

When you first gain weight it goes to your stomach, to protect your organs supposedly, and it's REALLY uncomfortable. It feels like you're pregnant, swollen, huge. If you wait long enough the weight does redistribute. And I see that happening now. And I have to say, I don't like it. 

My legs are bigger, my arms are bigger... it doesn't feel so good. I feel bigger than before. I feel like I was getting used to having thin arms and a big stomach, and now I'm better proportioned I guess. I'm also noticing my chest has grown :( It's making me so self conscious. Maybe it will just take some time to get used to. As I said earlier, my clothes don't fit right nothing looks right. I'm wearing baggy sweatpants and a baggy sweater and I finally feel comfortable, but I'm hot! I don't care. I need to be covered right now. I need to hide for now. 

It's time for some affirmations I think.... I'm feeling so negative about myself and I just can't continue bringing myself down like this. Telling myself I'm ugly, stupid, worthless... just isn't going to get me anywhere. 

I am strong. 

I am worthwhile.

I am determined. 

This is hard tonight. 

I am a hard worker. 

I am a good friend. 

I am an animal lover.

I am brave.

I believe in myself. 

So I don't believe any of this right now. But some day when I'm in a better place I will say these affirmations and believe them. Some day I will feel better about myself. Some day I will be ok with my body and accept it for what it is. Someday I will feel healthy and be glad, and I will feel free and eat without freaking out. I will look at my chest and be glad that some day I will have children and be a mother. Some day I won't be sick anymore.

Just not today.

Sorry for the negativity. Just really not feeling good today. 

This too shall pass.