Wearing clothes that fit

I'm trying something new - and that is wearing clothing that actually fits me properly. When I'm sick, I never buy new clothes, I wear the size that I usually wear when I am healthy... the problem with that is my clothes hang off me and I have to struggle to keep them up. I've gotten used to having big clothes, which is why when I gain and get to my goal weight and my clothes actually FIT, I kind of freak out. I usually resort to wearing baggy sweat pants and sweatshirts because that makes me feel more comfortable. But it's hot. And it's summer... and you know what?? I've been wearing tank tops!!

I'll admit I feel uncomfortable showing off my recovery body. It curvy, but it's also more solid and not sick looking. I am not overweight, I am at a good weight for my body... and even if I was overweight, that would not define me as a person. My weight does NOT define me. Your weight does NOT define you. Weight is a number, it's your gravitational pull toward the earth. Why is something so silly and insignificant such a big deal to people?? I'll admit I'm guilty of completely obsessing over the number on the scale, weighing myself over and over throughout the day. But the more I think about it the sillier I feel. Nobody who is really a friend or who really loves me is going to judge me based on my size. They will love me and care about me because I am kind, and because I am gentle and compassionate. They will accept me because I am funny and at times witty, and they will care about me when I'm happy AND when I'm sad. I don't judge my friends based on their size, so why should they judge me?

That's why I've decided to wear clothes that fit my body. Today I woke up and put on a t-shirt and shorts to wear to play with the kitties, but then I got hot, so I decided to put on a light blue tank top and dark blue skirt. It's an outfit I feel ok in. And you know what... I look a lot more "normal sized" in clothes that fit versus clothes that are boxy and loose. I am healthy. And healthy is a beautiful thing. I'm not in a place yet to say I think I am beautiful, but I will agree when people say that healthy is attractive and it's GOOD to look healthy.

Today I am going to have coffee with my mom. I was mad at her earlier in the week, but I've gotten over that and look forward to seeing her. She doesn't judge me by my size; in fact she's told me that when I am very thin I'm actually really ugly... that hurt of course, but the point is, she thinks I'm much better looking at a higher weight. My mom is womanly shaped, and I think she is beautiful. So if I look like my mom, that's ok. Even a good thing! My friends won't judge, my parents won't judge, and the kitties I work with certainly won't judge me as a person based on my weight. I am sorry I'm repeating myself I just feel the need to assure myself that being healthy is the right thing to be. Sometimes I feel wrong being health... I guess because it's foreign... but I know deep down I am going down the right path.

Healthy = beautiful.
You are beautiful!! Never stop believing in yourself.