Close call

Tonight we ate dinner out at a Chinese restaurant. Chinese food is scary to me because it's greasy and heavy and I don't know the calorie counts. Unhealthy thinking - that's just where I'm at right now. 

I ordered a bowl of hot and sour soup, and it tasted good, and before I knew it the whole bowl was gone.

My heart starting pounding. I got dizzy and short of breath. I felt like I was going to throw up. I had to stand up. I wanted to get up and run to the bathroom I wanted to cry. Lucking one of the staff who was with us, who struggled with an eating disorder herself, calmed me down enough to get home and take my anxiety medicine. I am now peacefully fuzzy and seeing things in slow motion. Which is ok. But I don't like having to medicate myself to calm down. Sometimes it's needed I guess. At least I feel better.

It was a close call. I wanted to have behaviors and I could have if I wanted to. But I waited it out and now I feel much better. Drinking ginger tea to calm my stomach. And planning to have my night snack, no exceptions. I can't fall off the bandwagon now I'm doing so well!! I have good things ahead and purging and restricting are only seriously going to get in the way.

The discomfort will Pass by morning. My body knows what to do with this food. My body knows what to do knows what to do.:. Ahh.

Pushing through