Never give up on yourself!!!

I have moved to a new house (not independent living, the residential house had moved to another house temporarily while construction was being done). I have my own room, which is really nice, and I walked in to discover that I have closet door mirrors. I was anxious for a moment.... full length mirrors have been triggering in the past, and hard to live with. But I walked in and looked at myself in the mirror, and dare I say it?? I LIKE what I see! I never thought that at my goal weight I would like what I am seeing and how I am feeling. I don't feel too heavy or curvy, I feel just right. I think it's helpful that the edema and bloating and swelling have gone down, because I feel great! My clothes, which were a little tighter than comfortable last week, now fit me perfectly. I feel comfortable in tanktops, which I have never felt before, and I don't feel the need to hide in baggy sweats.

I hope I don't sound like I'm bragging, or that I'm conceded because I'm not... I am just so grateful to be healthy, strong, and solid, and not weak and tired and cold like I was just a few weeks ago. Recovery is NOT pretty at first, in fact it is miserable. The bloating, the nausea, the constipation and diarrhea (Sorry if that's TMI), the edema, the hair falling out, night sweats is all horrible... but when you can get past those initial aches and pains and come out the other side, recovery is BEAUTIFUL. I haven't felt this healthy in a really really long time, and I am just so grateful. Grateful that I decided to get healthy, because I easily could have gotten sicker and sicker and ended up in the hospital. I did this myself. I got healthy without IVs and tubes and wires and heart monitors. I got healthy by CHOOSING not to purge after meals and by choosing to rest instead of walk when I was at a dangerous weight. I got healthy by listening to my body, and listening to my other parts and not ignoring their pain. I got healthy by feeling my feelings and not stuffing them or blaming them on my other parts.

I chose to get healthy. And I did it. I followed through.... and it is paying off! Being healthy is a magical, beautiful thing, and so rewarding. I am not moving to housing right away, but it's going to happen in the next couple weeks. My actions will have a positive result; independence. People on my treatment team BELIEVE in me, and the best part?? They aren't giving up on my because I'm at my goal weight! In other treatment centers, the minute I got to a "healthy" weight, I was sent out to be on my own. Not here. Now that I'm healthy, the real hard work can begin. I am at healthy place physically, and now I have a chance to make my MIND healthy and strong. Every day I feel more complete, less scattered, and less broken. I finally have hope. For the first time since I was very young, I WANT TO BE ALIVE. This is a huge deal for me, as I have been suicidal since I was a child. I want to live. I want to TRULY live and thrive and give back to the world, and I'm on my way.

I'll say it again; healing is possible. You are so much stronger than you believe, and you are worth fighting for. NEVER give up on yourself.