You know what? I haven't been mean or rude. I haven't been disrespectful. I've been honest, and sometimes honesty is Hard but it's important to be honest. Honesty really does set you free.
Today I got angry at things that have happened to my family. We were steered in the wrong direction by a clinician who was tyrannical and unstable, and it caused my family to fall apart. My parents never beat or hit me, they fed me and provided shelter. But their words hurt me more than they can understand. They were damaging to my sensitive psyche and I crumbled with their words and loud voices. Now I am speaking my truth. Their words hurt me and I can talk about it and not worry about repercussions. My feelings matter. My voice matters. I matter. It's a foreign, difficult, scary, and amazing concept to grasp.
I feel ugly today and I think it's a reflection of how I feel about myself as a person overall. I've been distant and short and impatient with my housemates and apologized for that today. I am just so desperate to move to independent housing that I've been short and that's uncalled for. I've asked anyone who hears or sees me being less than kind to point it out. I hate being a flawed human being. I hate being irrational and hurting other people. At the same time though I am setting boundaries for myself and protecting the body I have never protected. I'm learning so much about myself... It's a trying process. But I believe this will be worth it in the end.
Going to take it easy tonight. Maybe treat myself to a frozen yogurt. I think I will do just that! I deserve it :) all this therapy is exhausting!
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